Dadster Skywalker

Fluent in Sarcasm. Advocate for the grammatically impaired . Bourbon enthusiast.

[Dadster Skywalker @BertSkywalker]

The election is like having one friend who's crushed because they were dumped and another who's thrilled because they found the one. Both think the other screwed up.

Except, it's a third of your friends are crushed, a third are thrilled, and the other third safely watch porn.

[Dadster Skywalker @BertSkywalker]

Got a new battery powered lawn mower yesterday. Put it together this morning.

Found this screw in the bottom of the box. Can't find where it belongs.

Either there is a factory worker laughing diabolically, or the mower will explode 2 days after my 90 day warranty.

[Dadster Skywalker @BertSkywalker]

Warning! It's the first day of school for many children! Your dad on the street reports heavy traffic around schools and Starbuckses. Starbuxi?

Proclaim the virtues of recommitting to a more intense workout and join me at the Waffle House til they get out the door.

[Dadster Skywalker @BertSkywalker]

I made amazing pork chops. Grilled in hickory smoke. Crispy grill bars. Juicy. Inside. Tender. Amazing flavor.

Bonus kid said they were ok.

I gave her an extra scoop of instant rice, she squealed, called me her best, best friend, & said I was 'fisticated and smart.

[Dadster Skywalker @BertSkywalker]

This morning, my kid was annoyingly cheerful and cuddly. Obviously, she's feeling better. These are not the sort of conflicting feelings that I considered when I proposed.

[Dadster Skywalker @BertSkywalker]

@Matt_Pinner Camo

[Dadster Skywalker @BertSkywalker]

@usanews0 Yes

[Dadster Skywalker @BertSkywalker]

@MrRaceBannon Blue Blackberry Jam

[Dadster Skywalker @BertSkywalker]

Last night, at bedtime, my kid barfed in my hands and I caught it all without getting any on the covers.

My wife chuckled and smiled proudly.

[Dadster Skywalker @BertSkywalker]

@MensHumor Thighs are like giant flats/drums combined. Go big. Air fry those thighs!

[Dadster Skywalker @BertSkywalker]

@thedad I also have a spatula, which is actually a brownie server. It the perfect tool for a small cast iron skillet. I've bought several for friends.

[Dadster Skywalker @BertSkywalker]

@robreiner "Love your neighbor as yourself" is not the same as "do unto others as you would have them do unto you."

In other words, I'm letting you know that your misquoting and misunderstand, because I'd like to know when I do that.

[Dadster Skywalker @BertSkywalker]

@silentkil_er Shots of espresso

[Dadster Skywalker @BertSkywalker]

@MissFlyByNight Next to Farrah.

[Dadster Skywalker @BertSkywalker]

Finished my Christmas shopping. Which means I'll impulse gift for the next 15 days.

[Dadster Skywalker @BertSkywalker]

@clownworld It definitely should be a hersterectomy.

[Dadster Skywalker @BertSkywalker]

Accidentally texted a client, "Hope you're having an amazing thanksgiving. Love you." Didn't notice til today. Yeah. Awkward. Can't decide if her hubby will hunt me down or she'll kiss me on her next visit.

[Dadster Skywalker @BertSkywalker]

Obviously, turkey tacos today. I mean, it's 2022 and tacos are the sandwiches of our time. What's the right dressing? You can't be just stuffing anything in the tortilla. Should it be spicy cranberry sauce? Maybe a little sage on the gravy.

BTW, turkey tacos... Yummy.

[Dadster Skywalker @BertSkywalker]

Made exceptional turkey.

Many said - best ever.

Eclipsed by talk of father-in-law's technique of fisting the stuffing into the bird.

In related news,
also made amazing old-fashioneds.