Bert

hillbilly mortician

[Bert @BertWoodMac]

Anyone on tiktok that likes rocks, go follow my dad @rockhound714
He is 6 away from 1000 followers and it would make his day to reach that goal!

[Bert @BertWoodMac]

I need to get one of those sweatshirts with the pocket/pouch for your cat to go inside so I can pack my possum around with me at all times

[꧁•⊹٭𝙾𝚌𝚎𝚊𝚗 𝙴𝚢𝚎𝚜٭⊹•꧂ @DreaVegas]

PSA for everyone

[Bert @BertWoodMac]

Noodle said it was a bones day so I guess I have to be productive and wash my hair or something 🤪

[Bert @BertWoodMac]

@kristenashley_ I love that!! 😍🙌🏼 it’s the best hairstyle because it looks so good but takes 5 seconds to do

[Bert @BertWoodMac]

I might drink too many white claws some nights and put my kids to bed late from time to time but those little shits will NEVER be doing tiktok trends for the internet 😂💁🏼‍♀️

[Bert @BertWoodMac]

Tomorrow, I will be spending my golden birthday, dirty 30, the big THREE OH…running away on a solo one day road trip and hopefully being left the fuck alone 😂🤪

[Bert @BertWoodMac]

@Keoo_ Girl I got drugged at the fucking castle rock oasis a month or so ago…on a date with my mans who is a 6’3” 220lb man….ain’t nobody safe 😩

[Bert @BertWoodMac]

When I was 14/15 years old, I said to my besties “I’m gonna marry a man like THAT man” and two weeks from now, I’ll officially be THAT MAN’s wife 🥺🖤😭 soulmates are real, y’all

[Bert @BertWoodMac]

@saharraahh I’ll be 30 on Thursday and I was 6 weeks late…like legitimately 6 whole ass weeks late. I was due August 18th and I wasn’t born until September 30th

[Bert @BertWoodMac]

@surelynotsydney Thank you

[Bert @BertWoodMac]

If you ran over a cat on Old Pacific Hwy in Castle Rock about an hour ago, 1) fuck you and 2) you left part of your bumper in the fucking road after you killed my sweet girl. And 3) FUCK YOU

[Bert @BertWoodMac]

Wasn’t expecting the Steve video everyone is talking about to HIT ME RIGHT IN THE FEELS but goddamn. 🥺

[Claire McDonald @DameMcDonald]

I think we might need to consider messing with Texas

[Bert @BertWoodMac]

@saharraahh Girl, Willow made me barf til the very last second…which was 42 weeks 🤪

[Bert @BertWoodMac]

@hiitslyssa @darealslimcheyd I said “or a baby” out loud to myself before reading the replies but I’m glad someone else said it first 👀

[Bert @BertWoodMac]

Finally in the clear with Covid! 🙌🏼 I self isolated and none of my family got sick, but I was on my ass for a week.
Even if you’re fully vaccinated, please be safe a wear a mask. This shit is no joke

[Bert @BertWoodMac]

Willow and I discovered a beautiful little volunteer community garden in Castle Rock at the old jail (between the PT and Select Market) to provide fresh produce to local families. I truly adore my little shithole hometown 🥰

[Bert @BertWoodMac]

Hey y’all, just here to remind you that Mother Nature is providing free entertainment for the next 3+ nights, in the form of the Perseids meteor shower. All you need is clear skies and a spot free of light pollution. Guaranteed shooting stars ☺️ #YoureWelcome

[Bert @BertWoodMac]

Okay slightly concerned about the fact that our class reunion was moved from the original location to the same bar I got roofied at recently 🤪