Showing Up Isn’t Enough: Learning To Be Better

Showing up isn’t enough. Writing about love, attachment, boundaries, and learning the difference between effort and capacity

[Showing Up Isn’t Enough: Learning To Be Better @BeyondShowingUp]

Showing up isn't enough.

I learned this the hard way - by being consistent, present, and available for someone who couldn't choose me.

This account is about me learning the balance and difference between effort, capacity, and self-abandonment.

[Showing Up Isn’t Enough: Learning To Be Better @BeyondShowingUp]

@FitWithDrSam The idea that we have to create false mystery by doing these things is wild. Be a good person. You know who does these things often times? Couples that don’t last. Mystery doesn’t build a solid foundation. Communication does.

[Showing Up Isn’t Enough: Learning To Be Better @BeyondShowingUp]

@luxemiaa Please find a gentleman, but make sure to remember this when you do. Some men open doors, walk on the outside on the sidewalk, and walk behind the woman when she goes up stairs. Not just to be nice, but because they care about women and especially the woman they are with.

[Showing Up Isn’t Enough: Learning To Be Better @BeyondShowingUp]

“All I know is I would have saved myself a lot of suffering if I had just given that bread to the pig.” -Peeta

Sometimes a movie quote like this one from The Hunger Games: Mockingjay Part 2 captures emotion perfectly. Sometimes we think we regret showing up for people because we don’t think they cared in the end and they don’t show up for us. Peeta eventually spends forever with Katniss. This helps prove caring and showing up isn’t the problem. The key is in learning who to show up for.

[Showing Up Isn’t Enough: Learning To Be Better @BeyondShowingUp]

@libriscent I’ll never be able to apologize enough for hurting her. I didn’t want to, but I couldn’t be what she deserved. And yes, because I’ve been on the other side of that I hurt knowing what I was doing.

[Showing Up Isn’t Enough: Learning To Be Better @BeyondShowingUp]

@anxietymsgs Knowing there isn’t a cure. We learn to manage it. We learn to bring things into our life that give it meaning. And that meaning overcomes the depression so it no longer controls us. But it’s not a cure in the sense the depression is gone. We just deal with it.

[Showing Up Isn’t Enough: Learning To Be Better @BeyondShowingUp]

@nickimoraa I don’t think any girl that ended things with me would say I care less. I’ll show my feelings. In fact, I probably overshow, and I’m working on that.

[Showing Up Isn’t Enough: Learning To Be Better @BeyondShowingUp]

@Romazehari Can we turn this around? How do women feel when a man does this? If a man cared enough to want to send a paragraph about how he felt, would that be okay?

[Showing Up Isn’t Enough: Learning To Be Better @BeyondShowingUp]

Today I spoke with someone who once hurt me deeply.

For months I carried anger about what happened.

Today I found something else instead.

Grace.

That’s when I knew I was healing.

[Showing Up Isn’t Enough: Learning To Be Better @BeyondShowingUp]

@askaya I don’t think it matters. I’ll make enough to provide if that makes sense. I’ll share the responsibility more (more because I’ll always have some) if it’s dual. As long as our children know we love them and we love each other and work together, I’ll be happy.

[Showing Up Isn’t Enough: Learning To Be Better @BeyondShowingUp]

@recovery_your And we need to learn to not judge the trauma of others as worth it or not. What might not have been traumatic to you might have been extremely traumatic to someone else. More empathy, that’s what we need.

[Showing Up Isn’t Enough: Learning To Be Better @BeyondShowingUp]

@nickimoraa I'm proud of you. So many of us struggle with dating. It's a story like this that gives us hope. Hope that if we keep working to get better, we can.

[Showing Up Isn’t Enough: Learning To Be Better @BeyondShowingUp]

How many people struggle in dating when things end out of nowhere, even right before a first date? One of the things I'm learning to navigate better, but still failing at, is letting people miss out because of their decision to not follow through on a date with me.

[Showing Up Isn’t Enough: Learning To Be Better @BeyondShowingUp]

@alfkkifine One of the hardest things in today’s dating is being the kind of person who consistently shows up. We have phrases like “ignoring red flags” we use to justify not staying or not pursuing something. But in reality, the red flags might just be road bumps we need to overcome.

[Showing Up Isn’t Enough: Learning To Be Better @BeyondShowingUp]

@lady_valor_07 Be willing to move between jobs more frequently right now. Find a job you love, and then find a way to make that the career. Loving what you do every day will make you happier than anything else.

[Showing Up Isn’t Enough: Learning To Be Better @BeyondShowingUp]

@Amelia558rs My family. The thought of leaving them to deal with the mess I’d be making. I’d rather be in pain than put them through pain.

[Showing Up Isn’t Enough: Learning To Be Better @BeyondShowingUp]

@MikeJMele People who commit suicide are not trying to make life harder for others. Very often they believe their pain will end, and, as an extension, the pain for the people who care about them and see their pain will also end. In their eyes, it’s a sacrifice for the betterment of all.

[Showing Up Isn’t Enough: Learning To Be Better @BeyondShowingUp]

@PathOfMen_ I try to be the kind and patient man a woman should want. I try to show up. But if I’m not hitting some specific button for passion or something, I’m not worth a first date. So I’m a good partner but women won’t give me the time to show them that.

[Showing Up Isn’t Enough: Learning To Be Better @BeyondShowingUp]

@Nithya_Shrii Yes. And I’m scared I might do the same to someone else. I know what it feels like to have your heart truly broken, and I wouldn’t wish that on anyone.

[Showing Up Isn’t Enough: Learning To Be Better @BeyondShowingUp]

@heavensbvnny Can the men who seem to run into avoidant women find help here too? Because I’m not an avoidant but I’ve definitely met plenty of women who are.

[Showing Up Isn’t Enough: Learning To Be Better @BeyondShowingUp]

Every time I put myself out there, it feels like I get crushed. I’m learning to not abandon myself, but when dates get cancelled last minute, it’s hard not to take it in the worst way sometimes. When did honesty and communication go out of style in personal relationships?