Brandi

I'm bear.
Mother of 1 crazy daughter
Interrupting enthusiast.
Proud owner of underwear with holes in them.

[Brandi @BFF]

Me

[Brandi @BFF]

No pomegranates. No no no no no pomegranates.

[Patton Oswalt @pattonoswalt]

THE RAISINS.
ARE STAYING.
IN.
THE POTATO SALAD.

[Nikki Glaser @NikkiGlaser]

My ultimate fantasy is telling a stranger, “you need to wear a mask” and as they go off about fake news and hoaxes, I say “oh no, I’m sorry, it’s because you’re ugly.”

[Brandi @BFF]

@adultswim finnthehuman

[Stephen King @StephenKing]

Probably someone else already posted this, it's on the web, but after all the shitty, unpleasant, and frightening news lately, this warmed me up. Go ahead, call me a softy. I don't care.

[Brandi @BFF]

https://t.co/4CEenWLwn3
This is so me. I have had this exact experience. Several times.

[Brandi @BFF]

https://t.co/lTt0A7S2J2
I know this is morbid but gallows humor is sometimes appropriate.

[Brandi @BFF]

https://t.co/FdoNC6rkqx
Why men are irresponsible ejaculators.

[Brandi @BFF]

Idea for a maternity shirt:
Irresponsible ejaculation written over the baby bump

[Brandi @BFF]

Me too. Except I'm not an amazingly beautiful comedian. Oh well maybe next year.

[Philz @RyanPhillippe]

stop sending me this

[Brandi @BFF]

Idea for a maternity shirt:
Irresponsible ejaculation written over the baby bump

[Brandi @BFF]

https://t.co/bu2F9BeeTt
Whoa this is too on point to be funny.

[Brandi @BFF]

https://t.co/mDzoJxq1uF
@jfray its Trump's America as a band

[Rutger Bregman @rcbregman]

Getting bombarbed with emails from producers and directors inquiring about the film rights of this story. I'm so glad the 'boys' from The Real Lord of the Flies are finally, after 50 years, getting the attention they deserve. https://t.co/qYdnXmQMMM

[Brandi @BFF]

@jfray Creep personified

[Louis Virtel @louisvirtel]

[Rose Byrne in Bridesmaids voice]: “You don’t look very well, Jared. Are you sure it wasn’t that gray kind of lamb? Or... you ate a lot of that weird chicken...”

[Brandi @BFF]

@HeidiNCloset Here's to you keeping your OG name. I for 1 think its amazing and original. The other names are nice but so blah. U B U!

[The Advocate @TheAdvocateMag]

Many students at the school consider him their favorite teacher, according to a petition to bring him back. https://t.co/nwqsbIYBIF