Brandon Glidden

Comedian, Father, Married AF, Destroyer of Pancakes, Ruiner of Underwear

[Brandon Glidden @BG_balding]

@leesyatt Sometimes you gotta take a chance. Columbus did...

[Brandon Glidden @BG_balding]

@AMPSmartHome I use your services, lines have 100% been omitted from this review. I know your doorbell cameras, I'm currently troubleshooting mine for the 5th time this morning (30th+ time this month I've had to do it) while also on hold with your customer service for the 2nd time today.

[Brandon Glidden @BG_balding]

@JessaReedComedy When they say that, they're actually pronouncing it "your" and who needs that in their life anyway

[Brandon Glidden @BG_balding]

@bonniemcfarlane Probably the most interesting thing they've seen since Normandy...too soon?

[Brandon Glidden @BG_balding]

@Adam_LZ No on the supra. You had fun with the red one and the viewers got to see some cool content plus now the giveaway. Ditch the gt350 and get what Adam wants. You've more than earned it. What I'm saying is, do you boo boo

[Brandon Glidden @BG_balding]

@GalenQuick @jasonfenske13 This kid probably voted for Trump based on the unhinging level of ignorance tattoed on their arm

[Brandon Glidden @BG_balding]

@GwenderWoman A 1 owner flame-throwing brass section, sign me tf up!!!

[Brandon Glidden @BG_balding]

@Nico_Boyer_ @JimmyOakes Where else you gonna get Brooklyn Nine Nine & Rick and Morty without a cable package? Give hulu a chance bruv

[Brandon Glidden @BG_balding]

@NathanBrimmer Wait, did "The Butthole Surfers" make a movie?

[Brandon Glidden @BG_balding]

@mattshulmannnn My friend Sean has gotten two different possession charges after being pulled over for bum tail lights. Long stories for how he had shit in his car, but ultimately, wasn't his and the legal system doesnt care who it belongs to, just whose car its in

[Brandon Glidden @BG_balding]

@robdahm Whatever fits bruv

[Brandon Glidden @BG_balding]

@BrendanSchaub Dude probably did that so he could brag to his friend that isn't going anywhere in life either, about "how cool he is". Definitely not part of the cool guy club. #ganggang #ymh #squad #whatanasshole

[Brandon Glidden @BG_balding]

If you're a comedian, musician, speaker, whatever. No one book anything in #alabama until 2 years after they repeal this horseshit. Make a statement, stand your ground, and stick together. The nonsense has to stop

[Brandon Glidden @BG_balding]

Religion: Nationalism for the soul

[Brandon Glidden @BG_balding]

@ChristinaP Thank you!!

[Brandon Glidden @BG_balding]

@FredricAasbo Congratulations big homie!

[Brandon Glidden @BG_balding]

@LFresh87 @ChristinaP You spelled "Brent Crispturds asshole" wrong

[Brandon Glidden @BG_balding]

@JeffDye @ChristinaP The event and the people are pretty much the worst. It's a bunch of spoiled rich kids, raised by nannies, that think "irony" and wool knit scarves are a personality

[Brandon Glidden @BG_balding]

@GwenderWoman Fanny pack gang for life, dawg!

[Chad Shank @hdfatty]

Being proud of yourself because you ate an apple for breakfast is pretty stupid...but so is hating yourself because you ate a pop tart. Choose which stupid you want to be.
#MondayMotivation