Spiffy

Press R to party. She/her.

[Spiffy @Bidoofs]

BURGER DOG
BURGER DOG
HE HAS PICKLES AND HE HAS CHEESE

[Spiffy @Bidoofs]

The panic when you’re in the middle of pooping and the hotel fire alarm goes off

[Spiffy @Bidoofs]

“Time to think about Robot Lincoln!”
“It’s been a hot minute, huh.”
“……not really, actually.”

[Spiffy @Bidoofs]

I was just thinking how funny it is that my son was born on 1/23 and is obsessed with numbers. Then I remembered that my daughter was born on 4/20.

[Spiffy @Bidoofs]

Rupaul Patrol

[Spiffy @Bidoofs]

Deodorant is deceptive in that it will look low so you buy a new one and then the old one proceeds to have enough for two more months of use

[Spiffy @Bidoofs]

Here’s one where she’s not making a face too, ‘cause she’s cute as heck 😌

[Spiffy @Bidoofs]

I make quickie cheap costumes once a week for my babies’ first October. I think Skylar totally embodied the part this week!! ✨🖕🏼✨@MarkHamill

[Spiffy @Bidoofs]

My son is currently using magnet tiles to hold a wedding between Numberblocks 10 and 12. I’m not sure what made him do this but its lovely.

[Spiffy @Bidoofs]

My cousin is an airbrush artist and posted this on the company page and I am dying

[Spiffy @Bidoofs]

Anyway I know this is probably a thing that should stay off the internet but whatever, maybe the coochie jingle will resonate with somebody

[Spiffy @Bidoofs]

If god were real I wouldn’t have the urge to sing “coochie fresh, coochie clean, coochie exciting” every time I change my daughter’s diaper

[Spiffy @Bidoofs]

It’s this dumb jingle that I genuinely thought I subconsciously got from somewhere but I cannot find anything

[Spiffy @Bidoofs]

@promenading It’s like she knows she only exists because of the internet

[Spiffy @Bidoofs]

So I keep note on my phone of when the baby eats and shits. Today I was walking while holding her and logging her latest massive dump, and she smacked my phone. I had only typed the time and dash. I sat down to continue and I SWEAR ON MY LIFE THIS IS WHAT I SEE

[Spiffy @Bidoofs]

Omg please tell me a porn bot liked this tweet because I said “a good 8 inches”

[Spiffy @Bidoofs]

It’s almost midnight…Terry’s working an overnight shift, the babies are both asleep and I just randomly cut a good 8 inches off my hair.

[Spiffy @Bidoofs]

Some people handle parenthood well. I am clearly not one of those people.

[Spiffy @Bidoofs]

Thinkin ‘bout that Muppet Robot Lincoln again 😌