Tim Wood

Roller of dice. Coffee-flavoured coffee enthusiast. Your missing sunglasses are lodged between your car seats.

[Tim Wood @BigClumsy]

@MartySugar

[Tim Wood @BigClumsy]

@RnRNationlive @RnRliveRadio Triumph! 🤘🎸

[Tim Wood @BigClumsy]

Woot! 🦅 🏈 @callme_hails #flyeaglesfly

[Tim Wood @BigClumsy]

@ThatEricAlper Nazareth, Blue Öyster Cult, Wishbone Ash and Uriah Heep, “Total Recall Tour”, 1993. My hearing never recovered.

[Tim Wood @BigClumsy]

@MartySugar You made it four hours! 👏

[Tim Wood @BigClumsy]

@ThatEricAlper The Wreck of the Edmund Fitzgerald, Gordon Lightfoot.

https://t.co/1YLoGbomUo

[Tim Wood @BigClumsy]

@blainecapatch 👏👏👏👏

[Tim Wood @BigClumsy]

@kerin34 I’m such a little nerd and I’m just too excited to be able to make a Twitter.

[Tim Wood @BigClumsy]

There’s a duck in my yard that sounds exactly like Stewart Lee doing Richard Hammond laughing at Jeremy Clarkson.

[Tim Wood @BigClumsy]

@GuinnessIsACat FORTRESS OF DOOM

[Tim Wood @BigClumsy]

I used to be worried about falling out of touch with modern pop culture stuff as I grew older. Now that I’m actually older, I find I am very okay with it. Whoever this other Halle is, I’m sure they are talented and well-suited for the part, amiright?

[Tim Wood @BigClumsy]

I honestly thought they cast Halle Berry (sp?)and wondered why the argument that stupid racists were having wasn’t about her being in her 50s or something. 😶

[Christopher Ashman @CAshmanActor]

interview tip #86

try to relax

[later]

interviewer: so what’s your main goal in your career

me: [off my tits on quaaludes] your face is a pie lolololo-

[Tim Wood @BigClumsy]

I hate the terrible way life works at this moment. I have no mouth and I must scream, as Harlan Ellison wrote. 😶

So here’s a nice picture of the sky from my deck instead. There’s a tiny plane in it if you look hard.

[Tim Wood @BigClumsy]

It took 11 years to get there (my fault, not his), but right of passage accomplished today.

[Tim Wood @BigClumsy]

@JerrySeinfeld Aren’t you on Crackle? Is Crackle still a thing? I just like saying Crackle.

Crackle.

[Tim Wood @BigClumsy]

@coxyboi85 @callme_hails

[Michael Landsberg 🇨🇦 🔯 🏳️‍🌈 @heylandsberg]

Listen up. Yeah you. You think you're to blame for your illness but your not. You think others don't feel the same- but they do. You think you can't share, but you can. You think you're weak but you're not.
If you're wondering who this is for then its not for you.
#SickNotWeak

[Tim Wood @BigClumsy]

@DammitTracy I did this two days ago. I waited for Alisha to come into the bedroom and screamed “LET’S WRESTLLLLE!” with her bra on my head like varsity wrestling ear protectors.

[Tim Wood @BigClumsy]

Hud isn’t feeling well. 🐈 🤮

[Tim Wood @BigClumsy]

Follow up, the following night:

Alisha: wake up you’re talking about honey and guns in your sleep

Me: wtf it’s 4:45 in the morning

Alisha: zzzzz

Me: *stares at ceiling for another hour with bloodshot eyes*

[Tim Wood @BigClumsy]

Alisha: have a good day at work

Me: wtf it’s 2:30 in the morning

Alisha: zzzzzzzzz