.

tall boy from the long side of the tracks. 🚂 you know how it be #2054

[. @BillNye_dankguy]

Pepto-Bismol but intravenous

[. @BillNye_dankguy]

Idk how they did it but I know it’s the fault of the Mossad my tip got pinched in my zipper.

[. @BillNye_dankguy]

Foreigners:“Death to America”
US soldier who played baseball in high school humming an absolute piss missile of a 90mph fast ball: “FRAG OUT”

[. @BillNye_dankguy]

I’ve been addicted to alcohol, cocaine and prescription pain killers. so I’m qualified to say this: there’s no better high than being an American and beating Canada at hockey.

[. @BillNye_dankguy]

Ventriloquists are skin walkers

[. @BillNye_dankguy]

I hope all the bitches who did my hommies wrong get aids tn

[. @BillNye_dankguy]

If anyone’s crushing on me for Valentine’s Day, seek psychiatric help.

[. @BillNye_dankguy]

I’m going to bed. Gluten yacht

[. @BillNye_dankguy]

I can’t be an air traffic controller. I just confused a squirrel for a helicopter and got excited.

[. @BillNye_dankguy]

The form wasn’t there but sure as fuck the vibes were

[. @BillNye_dankguy]

@usgov when I die imma haunt the shit outta yall

[. @BillNye_dankguy]

I just had a nightmare about bees. Fuck em.

[. @BillNye_dankguy]

Im a 90yr old schizophrenic in the body of a 25yr old who’s also in a 90yr olds body.

[. @BillNye_dankguy]

I’m gonna drink pickle juice and yell at my 5lb yorkies.

[. @BillNye_dankguy]

Alright, it’s already a bust. 2027 will be my year.

[. @BillNye_dankguy]

Existence is a burden

[. @BillNye_dankguy]

I think a lot about physics and fluid dynamics when I’m pissing

[. @BillNye_dankguy]

What do I do on Halloweekend? I rate sleeping medication.

[. @BillNye_dankguy]

@NHLBruins I need Mcavoy to score a single goal to complete my parlay. Please I don’t wanna go to work on Monday.