Caroline Nierman

Sharp teeth, sharper tongue.

[Caroline Nierman @BitterCaroline]

Mark Zuckerberg's closet is a real life version of Doug Funny's.

[Caroline Nierman @BitterCaroline]

"I am your OG and I will be respected as such." #wizwearscoolpants

[Caroline Nierman @BitterCaroline]

My little man

[Caroline Nierman @BitterCaroline]

Hello there, @Brandyourself - I'm happy to be part of you! #BrandYourself #ReputationIsEverything

[Caroline Nierman @BitterCaroline]

I'd be an observant Jain if I didn't hate people or love pastries so much.

[Caroline Nierman @BitterCaroline]

Post-Thanksgiving gratitude that I live across the street from a very enthusiastic Christmas decorator with a seriously committed tree

[Caroline Nierman @BitterCaroline]

#Gawker media, where the comments section consists of armchair liberals defending proven terrorists' feelings

[Caroline Nierman @BitterCaroline]

Was I left out on a memo to the entire Upper West Side that told everyone to stop picking up their dog waste?

[Caroline Nierman @BitterCaroline]

Pretty sure the only point of Facebook Memories is to make me feel bad about how much thinner and sportier I was in years past

[Caroline Nierman @BitterCaroline]

People who don't hail cabs with the hand that's closest to traffic puzzle me

[Caroline Nierman @BitterCaroline]

Plot of every show on ID: couple falls in love. One of them is found dead on the floor of a kitchen/bathroom/garage. Other one did it.

[Caroline Nierman @BitterCaroline]

Once a male barista at Starbucks referred to me as "guv'nah" in front of a bunch of people

[Caroline Nierman @BitterCaroline]

Watching the original Nosferatu in a spooky church with hundreds of other people last nite made me happy that I'll never have to do it again

[Caroline Nierman @BitterCaroline]

Nailed it! https://t.co/I9wJ54ZWJP

[Caroline Nierman @BitterCaroline]

Nothing makes me more furious than when someone is rude to my dog.

[Caroline Nierman @BitterCaroline]

There can only be one Jean-Claude Van Damme, James, and you're not him. #Bloodsport

[Caroline Nierman @BitterCaroline]

#PiaMia has really mastered "I'm just dancing to put myself through college" chic

[Caroline Nierman @BitterCaroline]

You're never too old to horrify your fiancé by getting a pea stuck in your nose during a slapstick routine gone awry

[Caroline Nierman @BitterCaroline]

#Shutterstock, bringing us stock photographs of dogs about to maul children since 2003 ❤️

[Caroline Nierman @BitterCaroline]

Seems someone in my building is cooking an old favorite tonight: boiling hot spoiled fish with a side of feces!