Brian Janosch

Writer & experience designer available for hire, contract work, or birthday parties.

I was once an IDEOer, Onionite, Googler, Adult Swimmer, & Wit Cultivator.

[Brian Janosch @BJanosch]

It’s illegal for Uber & Lyft to pickup at SFO’s arrivals level, so they pickup at departures. This has made congestion so bad, there’s now a sign encouraging drop-offs to go to arrivals. So now departures go to arrivals & arrivals go to departures because tech fixes everything.

[Acyn @Acyn]

Reporter: Do any of you have a favorite animal?

Child: My favorite one is a gold snake that can move. It has gold eyes, and it has a super-duper tail…

Reporter: Mr. Mamdani, the second question for you.

Mamdani: Yes. It’s also the golden snake.

[Justis Mosqueda @JuMosq]

1) 2014 NFCCG
2) Losing to Chicago
3) 2021 SF
4) Losing to Eli immediately after going 21-1
5) Favre losing to Eli in OT
6-7) Both OT Arizona losses
8-9) Both Kapernick losses
10) 2020 NFCCG
11) 2019 NFCCG
12) 2023 to San Francsico
13) 2024 to Philadelphia
14) 2016 NFCCG

[Darren Naish @TetZoo]

The Internet, RIP. Well done guys.

[sarah @sarahradz_]

This would cure me

[Mike Beauvais @MikeBeauvais]

Major League Baseball is heartbroken to hear of the passing of Pete Rose.

Use code “PETEROSE” to get $1,000 first bet insurance for the 2024 MLB Postseason with BetMGM, proudly serving as an official gambling partner of Major League Baseball.

[ally @missmayn]

i don't understand this economy when nursing homes are so expensive they bankrupt our grandparents but nursing home aides need to use food banks.

daycare is so expensive it eats up one parent's entire paycheck and yet daycare providers only make $10/hr and need second jobs.

[Moira Donegan @MoiraDonegan]

You can’t even take bribes from a foreign government anymore. Because of woke.

[Seyward Darby @seywarddarby]

This paragraph (entirely a quote) in @RyuSpaeth's profile of Ta-Nehisi Coates, my god.

https://t.co/IcGxqnZLKH

[Tim Urban @waitbutwhy]

Graphic designers now just open a blank document, make the font size 80, type the company name, and that’s the logo.

[Patton Oswalt @pattonoswalt]

There’s an interactive exhibit on the third floor that allows visitors to neaten shelves and re-alphabetize vinyl albums while a deadline looms.

[puppy enjoyer @BokononsProphet]

The fake ads in the print edition of @theonion….

[Brian Janosch @BJanosch]

Retweeting from inside my ideal life.

(This sounds good in theory tho)

[Jakob Greenfeld @jakobgreenfeld]

The biggest life hack is making sure you get your dopamine exclusively from activities that move you closer to your ideal life.

[bald ann dowd @ali_sivi]

somebody tried to kill trump again and my entire tl is just people complaining about the bear actually being a drama

[Reid Southen @Rahll]

Rarely have I seen AI described so succinctly.

[Josh Gondelman @joshgondelman]

Every person’s Facebook page now is either ten posts a day of the worst opinions and AI you ever seen or nothing for 364 days and then a hundred people wishing them a happy birthday.

[margaret maria 🤍 @itsmargmaria]

every woman watching a man’s single brain cell fighting for its life

[James Surowiecki @JamesSurowiecki]

The ABC moderators have let Trump speak for 9 minutes longer - roughly 30% more - than Harris. The way they've "rigged" the debate is by letting him hang himself with his own stream-of-consciousness rambles.

[Kylie Brakeman @deadeyebrakeman]

I can’t believe “they’re eating the dogs” was a REBUTTAL to “You say weird stuff at your rallies”