Your Real Name ⃝꙰⃝꙰⃝꙰⃝꙰⃝꙰⃝꙰⃝꙰⃝꙰⃝꙰⃝

fiat flux.

[Donn Felker @donnfelker]

Got logged out of corporate Slack.

My brain: Well, this is it. We had a good run. Damn.

Every. Single. Time. Without fail.

[Your Real Name ⃝꙰⃝꙰⃝꙰⃝꙰⃝꙰⃝꙰⃝꙰⃝꙰⃝꙰⃝ @BlankSmoke]

@callmezou

[Your Real Name ⃝꙰⃝꙰⃝꙰⃝꙰⃝꙰⃝꙰⃝꙰⃝꙰⃝꙰⃝ @BlankSmoke]

@callmezou

[IT Unprofessional @it_unprofession]

I had a $400 Wagyu ribeye for lunch today.

I didn't pay for it.

An enterprise account executive from a tier 1 cybersecurity firm paid for it.

He's been trying to sell me a cloud-native endpoint detection platform for 8 months.

We don't need a cloud-native endpoint detection platform.

We don't even have endpoints.

Half of our workforce is using refurbished laptops from 2014 that are physically incapable of running his software.

But I told him we're "evaluating"

That phrase means absolutely nothing.

But in B2B sales, it's the equivalent of ringing a dinner bell.

He's bought me 8 lunches this year.

He asks about our migration timeline.

I stare out the window, sigh deeply, and whisper about decentralized integration bottlenecks.

He furiously takes notes and orders another bottle of sparkling water.

My total compensation package is $200K.

But my caloric ROI is incalculable.

Next week I have a pitch meeting with an AI analytics startup.

I checked their Series B funding round before agreeing to the meeting.

They have $40M in venture capital burning a hole in their pocket.

I'm going to let them buy me omakase.

Then I'm going to tell them our legacy infrastructure is experiencing packet loss and we can't deploy until 2029.

Corporate America is just a vast ecosystem of free meals if you know how to string along desperate account managers.

[Hater Report @HaterReport]

Bronny: “Dad I can’t believe we’re leaving the Lakers”

LeBron:

[Greed @____Greed______]

@PopBase "They hit the GIF reactions, sir"

[𝒩 𝑒 ��� @Nexiraluv]

gifs when the joke is time sensitive

[Your Real Name ⃝꙰⃝꙰⃝꙰⃝꙰⃝꙰⃝꙰⃝꙰⃝꙰⃝꙰⃝ @BlankSmoke]

@callmezou Ghana c deez nuts

[solé @layxsnv]

"This job is driving me crazy"
Me at work:

[Your Real Name ⃝꙰⃝꙰⃝꙰⃝꙰⃝꙰⃝꙰⃝꙰⃝꙰⃝꙰⃝ @BlankSmoke]

@FutureHasGame

[John Halo @EpicMasterChief]

You ever get so bored at work you actually start doing your job

[Liam Johnson @liamjohnsonNY]

I’m obsessed that the bullying worked

[Elmo @elmo]

Elmo just wants to set the record straight... ❤️❤️ GO TEAM USA! ⚽

[Degen CPA @DrewVento]

If a white girl invites you to her pilates class, that’s a sign of great respect in their culture

[Degen CPA @DrewVento]

Dudes will ask where the bitches at but never look within

[The Knicks Wall @TheKnicksWall]

We haven’t forgotten @elmo

[kira 👾 @kirawontmiss]

NYC is not happy with Elmo😭

[Cookie Monster @MeCookieMonster]

Elmo teach me not to eat trophy. Me teach Elmo to pick a team. 💙🧡

[Daily Noud @DailyNoud]

The Statue of Liberty is missing following the Knicks championship in New York City.