Her face fell. "I'm so sorry. I shouldn't have said that."
Then something happened.
In under two minutes, the jar held almost $80.
The father covered his mouth, eyes wet.
It wasn't about the money. For one morning, he didn't have to carry it alone.
"One receipt doesn't tell you someone's whole story."
She nodded. "I won't forget that."
Tipping can be generous.
It can be expected. People will always debate it.
But the person who seems stingy might be doing everything they can to make it through the
week.
Be kind first.
A man ordered $47 of food at a busy coffee shop, then tapped "$2" on the tip screen.
The barista glanced at the receipt and muttered, "Seriously?"
He heard her. He turned around.
"Is something wrong?"
"Forty-seven dollars, and two for a tip."
His face flushed. "I thought tipping was up to me."
"It is."
"Then why do you sound upset?"
The line behind him went silent.
She folded her arms. "Because this job is hard, and people forget that."
He nodded slowly. "You're right. It is."
Then he turned his phone toward her.
Checking account: $53.18.
"It's my daughter's birthday.
She's asked for a café breakfast all week. This order took nearly
everything I had until payday.
I wanted to tip more. I just couldn't."
Graham asks John Bishop whether he has done an American accent.
Bishop says he has not, and that in his head he does not sound the way he actually sounds “like Sean Connery.” He then tells a story from a January gig at the Comedy Cellar in New York.
He did not mention where he is from, and neither did the host. After the set, a man in a baseball cap, beard, and check shirt grabbed his arm and said something like: “Hey buddy, tell you guys Zelensky, we’ve got his back.
The sofa (including Tom Cruise) collapses laughing; Graham’s line is “Welcome to Britain, Tom.”
I was sitting at the airport waiting for my flight when I noticed something strange.
The gate was packed.
People were standing in line, bags everywhere, boarding passes in hand.
I looked at the screen.
Same airline.
Same destination.
So I relaxed and went back to my phone.
A few minutes later, I heard an announcement:
“Final call for passengers traveling to…”
I looked up.
It was my destination.
I checked my boarding pass again.
Same flight number.
Except for one problem.
The gate had changed.
I looked at the screen.
My original gate was now showing a completely different flight.
My stomach dropped.
I had been sitting there for nearly 40 minutes, completely unaware that my flight had been moved to another gate.
I grabbed my bag and started walking quickly toward the new gate.
Then I heard my name over the airport speakers.
“Final passenger for flight…”
I started running.
When I finally reached the gate, the agent looked at me and said:
“Are you Commentary ?”
I nodded, completely out of breath.
She smiled.
“We were looking for you.”
I wanted the floor to open up.
Apparently, I wasn’t the only one who had missed the gate change but I was the last passenger they were waiting for.
I apologized and quickly boarded.
The worst part?
The entire flight was still sitting there.
I had spent five minutes sprinting through the airport like I was in an action movie…
Only to walk onto the plane and have everyone casually look up at me.
Now I have one rule at airports:
I check the departure screen every few minutes, even if I’m already sitting at the gate.
Because apparently, getting to the airport early doesn’t help if your gate quietly decides to move without you.
Dawn French warned them she could hold a note. She meant one note.
The producers took her to lunch and offered her the comedy part in Mamma Mia. She told them she was not a trained singer. They said it did not matter. The ABBA boys had tuners. They would fix it. She agreed, then had to trot through the songs with the musical director at the Cambridge Theatre. The office was full of men cheering her in.
Dancing Queen came out on a single pitch. He told her to breathe. She said she knew the next one. Mamma Mia, here we go again, same sound. She calls it a cow giving birth. He closed the piano and said it had been very nice to meet her.
She walked back through the room with every head down. They had heard it. By the time she hit the street her agent was already on the phone. Not a good fit. Julie Walters got the part, brilliant and funny and able to sing, apparently. Dawn had told them the truth at lunch. They only believed it after the piano shut.
https://t.co/eChUkuIGTc
Sylvester Stallone already knew the parts he was going to get. That is why he would not sell the one he had written.
Everyone wanted Rocky. Nobody wanted him in it. He was 29 and three quarters, which he treated as the cutoff, green, not a leading man. The offer started at 30 and kept climbing while his agent called him a moron and his lawyers asked if he was insane. 60, 100, 200, 260, then 360. In 1976 that was real money. He did not have a dime. His wife was pregnant. The dog, he said, had stopped talking to him. People were screaming at him to take it.
His reason for not taking it was not pride in the abstract. He had already mugged Jack Lemmon, David Carradine, and Woody Allen. The handwriting was the third guy through the door. Sell the script and that was the career. Keep the condition and he might get out of it. He laughed at the idea of a Hugh Grant life. The number was still going up when he told the story. He did not tell them what the dog thought.
https://t.co/KKFZjkss1u
Cara had both of Arnold’s lines out before the phone even got to the next person.
They spent a full minute on the sofa assigning catchphrases like it was a custody hearing. Graham hovering, Arnie claiming “I’ll be back,” everyone else told to have a plan B in case someone else said it first.
Then the Snapchat starts, Cara leans in with her tongue out, and it’s “I’ll be back” followed immediately by “hasta la vista, baby.” Done. Jake’s contribution is “there is no bathroom.” Tinie goes “who’s that daddy now?” Graham, eyes huge, lands “I’m old, not obsolete,” which is somehow the only one that sounds like he meant it. Arnie is delighted. The careful negotiation was theater. The actual video is whoever is shameless enough to go first.
She packed the Welsh welcome and then nearly cried at it. Catherine Zeta-Jones says this is the first time in her life she’s acted in her own accent, gets the clap, and two sentences later she’s already done Dylan Thomas for Anthony Hopkins.
She’s filmed in Malaysia, Australia, everywhere except Wales. Going home had people in the windows: welcome home, Kath, how’s your mum. Throat clear. “I’m gonna cry.” Graham doesn’t even let the moment land. Did you bring those? Yeah. He’s never seen them before in his life. Sorry.
The accent story is fine. The tears are doing a lot of work for flags that came in her bag.
https://t.co/cHt8aqMlAg
He got annoyed.
Brother: “Mom and Dad are going. Everyone else is going.”
Me: “Then everyone else can go.”
He said I was being selfish.
I reminded him that he had never asked what anyone could afford before booking it.
He said:
“I shouldn’t have to ask my own family if they want to spend money together.”
I said:
“You do when you’re spending their money.”
He didn’t speak to me for three days.
Then Mom called.
Mom: “Your brother is disappointed.”
Me: “I’m disappointed too.
I wanted to go. I just can’t afford it.”
Mom: “Could you put it on a credit card?”
I laughed because I thought she was joking.
She wasn’t.
I declined the trip.
My brother eventually went anyway.
When they came back, he sent me pictures from the vacation.
The caption said:
“Wish you were here.”
I was tempted to reply.
Instead, I just liked the picture.
My brother booked a $2,400 family vacation without asking anyone if they could afford it.
My brother: “I booked the family vacation.”
Me: “You booked it already?”
Brother: “Yep. Everyone is going.”
Me: “When?”
Brother: “December.”
Me: “How much is it?”
He paused.
“About $2,400 per person.”
Me: “Per person?”
Brother: “It’s an all-inclusive resort.”
Me: “I can’t spend $2,400 on a vacation right now.”
Brother: “It’s six months away.”
Me: “That doesn’t change my budget.”
I’m a masseuse. My hands get dry.
That’s the line he drops while bent over a table in a storage room with his pants around his ankles and a security guard holding a bottle of lotion. 🌈