Blizzard Must Die

Blunts & Grilled Cheese

[Blizzard Must Die @BlizzTheIllest]

When you started following a girl on Snapchat cuz she always posted sexy photos of herself - but she got a boyfriend. So now all she posts are videos of her man changing lightbulbs and hanging drywall at her house. 🙄

[Blizzard Must Die @BlizzTheIllest]

I need to stop drinking. 💯

[Blizzard Must Die @BlizzTheIllest]

Found a picture from last night in my phone that made me remember I went to Dillinger’s.

[Blizzard Must Die @BlizzTheIllest]

Got a text today that made me remember I went to a chick’s house at 5am.

[Blizzard Must Die @BlizzTheIllest]

Saw a name in my call log from last night that made me remember I went to Donovan’s crib after the bars closed.

[Blizzard Must Die @BlizzTheIllest]

My armpits are so hairy that effectively applying deodorant is a chore. The bushy underarm hair collects most of the antiperspirant, deeming the application ineffective. So I suffer. And sweat. And stink. Sometimes.

[Blizzard Must Die @BlizzTheIllest]

Bartender: “I’m going out to smoke. Does anyone need a drink?”
Patrons: *Silence*
Bartender: “Aight, fuck y’all. Suck my dick.” #abelspub

[Blizzard Must Die @BlizzTheIllest]

Whether your ancestors sailed here on the Mayflower or you floated here on an innertube from Haiti, it doesn’t matter. This is the fucking land of opportunity. 🇺🇸

[Blizzard Must Die @BlizzTheIllest]

Tragic.

[Blizzard Must Die @BlizzTheIllest]

A BLT without lettuce and tomato is just a bacon and mayonnaise sandwich on toast. 💯

[Blizzard Must Die @BlizzTheIllest]

Eagles fans half a hard time with grammar.

[Blizzard Must Die @BlizzTheIllest]

When you swiping thru the People You May Know and see a sexy profile pic; check out her page to send a friend request; but notice her cover photo is four biracial toddlers that don’t look alike.

[Blizzard Must Die @BlizzTheIllest]

I’m so good at going out to eat, saving half of my meal for later, and accidentally leaving it at the restaurant. Fuck.

[Blizzard Must Die @BlizzTheIllest]

Lyft is giving away free rides on Election Day if you pretend to vote.

[Blizzard Must Die @BlizzTheIllest]

I was tripping on mushrooms Friday night, and started talking to a girl. Within five minutes of meeting me, she said she could tell I was a Pisces. Shit blew my fucking mind.

[Blizzard Must Die @BlizzTheIllest]

In Playgirl Magazine, I spread my buttcheeks....... as Mike Honcho.

[Blizzard Must Die @BlizzTheIllest]

I can’t believe it took me this long to start watching @BoJackHorseman.

[Blizzard Must Die @BlizzTheIllest]

💯

[mykia🧚🏽 @lovenobodyyy]

U leave a nigga 1 voicemail & now u the intro to his mixtape 🤦🏼‍♀️🤦🏼‍♀️🤦🏼‍♀️

[Blizzard Must Die @BlizzTheIllest]

Every time I have more than two drinks and go home alone, I fill the hole in my heart with cocaine or fried food depending on my mood.

[Blizzard Must Die @BlizzTheIllest]

Trying to watch tv on demand, and these flash flood warnings keep fucking it up. Got me like:
On Demand > Networks > Comedy Central > South Park > Season 21 > Episode 6 > Watch > Resume #every30mins