Bob DiGregorio

Joe’s Dad, conservative thinker, 49ers fan, Excel enthusiast, future POTUS.

[omeo 𖤐 @ihyomeo]

yo mama so fat she need to take GLP-2’s

[NOBUNAGA🇯🇵🏯_夏���蒼依 @japan_nobunaga]

Adulthood is slowly understanding that 'we definitely need to grab coffee soon' is just the secular, socially acceptable version of 'may we meet again in the afterlife.'

[april 💛 @greenbaybby]

the hottest thing a guy can do is be his league’s fantasy football commissioner

[Gramps @GrandpaHarris65]

The year I was born is getting a little far back on that fucking scrolly thing...

[jason @cjjdidit]

Water is a drink whose flavor is its temperature.

[Caitlin Cooper @C2_Cooper]

Best plural forms ranked:

1) internal (tours de force, culs-de-sac)
2) ending in -i (magi)
3) is to es (oases)
4) suppletive (people)
5) vowel changes (geese)
6) f to ves (thieves)
7) adding en (oxen)
8) no change (moose)
9) adding es, ies (boxes, babies)
10) adding s

[The Babylon Bee @TheBabylonBee]

DeSantis Explains To Newsom Secret To Counting Ballots In One Night Is Not Committing Fraud https://t.co/KqT0rfdbvC

[suze @cortadoedison]

Does anyone know what I want for dinner by any chance

[Mike Bales™ 🫡🇺🇸 @MikeBales]

BREAKING NEWS: Dallas Cowboys practice was delayed two hours today after a player found an unknown white powdery substance on the field. Jerry Jones immediately suspended practice and called the police. After analysis, experts confirmed it was the goal line. Practice resumed once officials decided the Cowboys were unlikely to see it again this season.

[Douglas A. Boneparth @dougboneparth]

Remember to treat your body like a data center.

Consume as much literature and water as possible.

[Thrilla the Gorilla @ThrillaRilla369]

“No way you wrote a 5 page essay without AI”

Buddy, we wrote them without even reading the book.

[John Collison @collision]

As you become an adult, you realize that things around you weren't just always there; people made them happen. But only recently have I started to internalize how much tenacity *everything* requires. That hotel, that park, that railway. The world is a museum of passion projects.

[Wilde Thingy (new account) @Wilde_Thingy]

Ultracrepidarianism is the habit of giving opinions & advice on matters outside one's knowledge or competence.

Or, as I call it, tweeting.

[Angry.Sad.Motivated. @nlmtys]

Man I love going to work every day at the spreadsheet factory making and fixing and sharing spreadsheets with all my fellow spreadsheet factory pals.

[Super 70s Sports @Super70sSports]

The official crayon box of “I don’t want to brag but my parents are doing alright.”

[Trey @treydayway]

Told a guy about how we used to record music off the radio onto cassettes and he looked at me like I saw Lincoln get shot live

[Big Timi @OrevaZSN]

I saw someone say, “No spoilers for The Odyssey.” Brother, you’ve had 3,000 years to read the book.

[Hadas Weiss @weiss_hadas]

how long after sex is it appropriate to inquire about the status of your manuscript

[Nikki Limo @NikkiLimo]

Hear me out: we make new “Amish” towns, but instead of 18th century customs it’s just the 90’s forever. There’s Blockbuster and Pizza Hut, and no social media (but you can use AOL instant messenger).

Lmk when you guys wanna start.