Nevermind the Bollocks 🖕

former stump @ Stumpco. all-around goob. ttku.

[Nevermind the Bollocks 🖕 @BolsyGates]

...tie my pecker to a tree, to a tree, wanna tie my pecker to_____you.

[Nevermind the Bollocks 🖕 @BolsyGates]

Me wanting to be president was purely aspirational can I stop now Daddy? Signed Forrest Trump

[Nevermind the Bollocks 🖕 @BolsyGates]

@GlasNoNo Beat the nets

[Nevermind the Bollocks 🖕 @BolsyGates]

Today would be a good day for @realDonaldTrump to fuck right off.

[Nevermind the Bollocks 🖕 @BolsyGates]

@FullFrontalSamB #taintmeat90percent Still laffing. How does she breathe? @SarahHuckabee

[Nevermind the Bollocks 🖕 @BolsyGates]

@ananavarro #DerangedDonald this generation's #TrickyDick .

[Henpecked Hal @HenpeckedHal]

You do-gooders couldn't even recycle those bottles and cans on Earth Day if it weren't for people like me getting drunk all Earth Night. A little credit, please.

[Nevermind the Bollocks 🖕 @BolsyGates]

@espn call the game! Jackie would approve.

[Nevermind the Bollocks 🖕 @BolsyGates]

@maebirdwing 🎶🎷 Emotional eating ...eat me.

[Sean Leahy @thepunningman]

"Can I pet your dog?"

Sure, his bark's worse than his bite

[dog bites three fingers off]

"WHAT THE"

[dog barks so hard the sun explodes]

[Nevermind the Bollocks 🖕 @BolsyGates]

@nelsonKirsten #PsychIsUs

[Nevermind the Bollocks 🖕 @BolsyGates]

@nelsonKirsten I am exquisitely surprised and titillated! So great to see you.

[John Harwood @JohnJHarwood]

full-year 2018 growth was 2.9%, says govt Bureau of Economic Analysis

that was highest since 2.9% in 2015

4-quarter growth is measure Trump cites here

Q4-Q4 2018 was highest since 3.3% in Q2-Q2 2015

4-quarter growth topped 3% 4 times under Obama, peaking at 3.8% in Q1-Q1 2015

[Adam Parkhomenko @AdamParkhomenko]

I keep waiting for Trump to follow up one of these attacks on McCain with “and PS the Statue of Liberty is an ugly ho.”

[Be The Cookie @BeTheCookie]

"Yo bro! Imma board over to Barnes & Noble in the early AM to get my copy of 'Go Set A Watchman' then shred home to read it," said Boo radly

[Rep. Eric Swalwell @RepSwalwell]

I’m working on it. Stay tuned.

[Drunk History @drunkhistory]

If you like the musical "Chicago," you'll love its inspiration: the sordid tale of Murderess Row.

[Rick Wilson @TheRickWilson]

Remember when I used to call in to Bubba The Love Sponge and call women "white whores" and "cunty"?

Oh. Wait. That wasn't me.

That was a Fox News host famous for scowling and drama, one Tucker Swanson McNear Carlson.

Lordy.