Brandon Warren

6' 2" tall. That's 187.96 cm if you're metric. And I ran a 5K once. That's 3.107 miles if you're imperial.

[Brandon Warren @BorinWarren]

Literal transcript of fortune cookie just received: Silence is a virtual. Especially Dinner time, from telemarketers.

[Brandon Warren @BorinWarren]

I suddenly realized how ironic it is to name a hurricane Sandy when the those gale force winds will inevitably hit English speaking beaches.

[Brandon Warren @BorinWarren]

The ionosphere #AwesomeCostumes

[Brandon Warren @BorinWarren]

A hipster that just realized their new ankle tattoo is completely pedestrian #AwesomeCostumes

[Brandon Warren @BorinWarren]

The game of jacks #AwesomeCostumes

[Brandon Warren @BorinWarren]

An overcooked grilled cheese sandwich #AwesomeCostumes

[Brandon Warren @BorinWarren]

American sense of superiority #AwesomeCostumes

[Brandon Warren @BorinWarren]

Sriracha #AwesomeCostumes

[Brandon Warren @BorinWarren]

The Partridge Family, consisting of a family of actual partridges. #AwesomeCostumes

[Brandon Warren @BorinWarren]

I've decided to start thinking of Halloween costume ideas. #AwesomeCostumes

[Brandon Warren @BorinWarren]

"I wonder what kind of wood that is."

[Brandon Warren @BorinWarren]

Jesus! I've either reached some tranquil zen state or I'm an idiot. 40 minutes in, "Wow. That's just... just a great fire."

[Brandon Warren @BorinWarren]

Maybe not as bright as I think. I clicked on the Netflix fireplace video just to see... 15 minutes later: "Wow. That's just a great fire."

[Brandon Warren @BorinWarren]

I hate spiders. However, I feel horrible every time I kill a spider. But not so bad that I don't kill every spider I see.

[Brandon Warren @BorinWarren]

This is like Braveheart all over again. Different type of hanging Chad this time, though. #indyref

[Brandon Warren @BorinWarren]

I hate to break it to you all, but I compose and submit these tweets more for the annuls of history than for my 9 followers.

[Brandon Warren @BorinWarren]

@richardbranson can't possibly have the time to do everything he tweets about while also tweeting about everything he does.#Overachiever

[Brandon Warren @BorinWarren]

I realized I am part of the problem in America reading news this morning. The headline Pizza Bagels For Adults piqued my interest the most.

[Brandon Warren @BorinWarren]

The other day, I saw a sign advertising English language classes... in English. I think they need to know their audience better.

[Brandon Warren @BorinWarren]

I think Jackson Pollock had some mommy issues.