Brittany Lyseng

Comedian / Writer / Actor / Sports enthusiast... all around ok broad.

[Calgary Guardian @CalgaryGuardian]

Brittany Lyseng is a nationally touring Stand-Up Comedian, Writer and Podcaster. Her comedy career began after 12 years as a tradesman with the desire to lift less and laugh more, and in turn has become one of the Canadian industry’s fastest rising stars.

https://t.co/2U38FMMM98

[Brittany Lyseng @BrittanyLyseng]

My Mom offered us leftover Christmas ham and while I was loading the car and my sister said "NO". I just found out today and I am devastated.
The absolute nerve.

[Brittany Lyseng @BrittanyLyseng]

My Mother :
"I've been to Tik Tok and honestly I'm just amazing at the things you can do with salami".

[Yuk Yuk's Comedy Club Calgary @ Elbow River Casino @YukYuksCalgary]

Ring in NYE 2023 at Yuk’s Calgary with @ToddmNess and special guests @BrittanyLyseng and @mattscomedy
Get tickets at https://t.co/yKc7x5Y8Bn

[Brittany Lyseng @BrittanyLyseng]

flights are canceled coming out of Terrace until after Christmas. I jumped in a car with 3 pipeliners. this is the northern Canadian version of the John Candy poka band scene from Home Alone. well, wish me luck

[Brittany Lyseng @BrittanyLyseng]

This Christmas, I have said yes to 10 different 10$ gift exchanges. Just think I could have had 100$

[Yuk Yuk's Comedy Club Calgary @ Elbow River Casino @YukYuksCalgary]

Ring in 2023 at Yuk Yuk’s Calgary with 3 of Calgary’s top comics! @ToddmNess is headlining with special guests @BrittanyLyseng and host @mattscomedy

There’s no funnier place to be! Get your tickets at https://t.co/zwruKIgo34 or call 403-258-2028.

[Brittany Lyseng @BrittanyLyseng]

I just got a Twitter notification from somebody I don't follow or know, alerting me to the sad news they were putting their beloved family pet down. I am now eating my breakfast tacos while crying ...
HOW DO TURN THIS FEATURE OFF?

[Brittany Lyseng @BrittanyLyseng]

My favourite exchange as a comedian is when people tell me the comedians they like and ask if I "am anything like that". Yeah, I actually sound exactly like Bo Burnham. Come to the show, you'll love it.

[Brittany Lyseng @BrittanyLyseng]

@MooseYYC I think alive ....

[Brittany Lyseng @BrittanyLyseng]

I used to fix elevators with a 70 year old man. Every lunch hour, we would play a game called "dead or alive". He would name an old movie star he wanted to bang back in the day and I would Google her name to see if she was still alive. I miss that dude.

[Brittany Lyseng @BrittanyLyseng]

Listening to Hunter S. Thompsons Hells Angels, in the bath while I drink an oat milk peppermint lattè and soak in a cotton candy bath bomb in the dark.
It's this, or a balance tatoo.

[Brittany Lyseng @BrittanyLyseng]

As a comedian, I now just think of a Christmas as an unpaid weekend I can't work .

[Brittany Lyseng @BrittanyLyseng]

#calgary #comedy #yyc #thingstodoincalgary

https://t.co/ZcBOWHrNCg

[Brittany Lyseng @BrittanyLyseng]

@JoePerry61 < Reported
I think this might 61st time this other not real Joe dude is tryna fake the real @joeperry account. Or maybe just his lucky number. Either way for 3 mila seconds I was very excited to have a 70th follower.

[Brittany Lyseng @BrittanyLyseng]

I have not convinced myself, enough people hate me yet this morning **has one more cup of coffee** ahhh that's better.

#istwitterstillathing

[Brittany Lyseng @BrittanyLyseng]

Every day, I yell, "Are you a cute puppy?" At my dog as if she is under investigation... Pick her up and shriek. " You are a cute puppy!" I can only imagine why she thinks she has to undergo these daily spot checks.

[Brittany Lyseng @BrittanyLyseng]

I just watched a 5 year old get her own tea on a ferry, notice they were out of water, turn back and say "ugh what are ya gonna do".

[Brittany Lyseng @BrittanyLyseng]

Listening to Bryan Adam's full tilt at the nail salon is not something I knew I needed.

[Brittany Lyseng @BrittanyLyseng]

All of this... just when I hit 64 followers