Brandon Simpson

When life gives you lemons, just say fuck the lemons and bail.

[Brandon Simpson @Bsimp850]

@The_V_Is_Back @itzRex @TRPTV_1 This goes both ways, so if you support karmelo than clearly you support chud. That is unless you’re a hypocrite who’s focusing on race.

[Brandon Simpson @Bsimp850]

If you wanna know what’s wrong with society, read the replies to this video. The majority of them are saying “lesson learned, mind your business” nothing in regard to the guy who killed a man who simply spoke words that he didn’t like.

[Frontierism @frontierism]

“Your honor, this is only his first murder”

[Aakash Gupta @aakashgupta]

Your brain basically stopped recording your life around age 25. Everything since then is a blur for a reason.

Neuroscientists measured this so many times they named it: the reminiscence bump. Ask anyone over 60 to recall their strongest memories and almost every answer clusters between ages 15 and 25. The decade where everything was new. First job, first apartment, first real relationship. Your brain encoded each day because nothing had a template yet.

After that window closes, most people enter a repetition loop. Same commute, same office, same weekend rhythm. The brain stops recording repeated experiences as distinct events. A year with 300 novel days leaves 300 memory anchors. A year with 10 leaves 10. Both took 365 days to live. Only one of them will exist when you look back.

This is why people at 50 say "where did the time go." The time went into routine that felt like living but left almost nothing behind.

Your remaining years are fixed. How many your brain bothers to remember is entirely up to you.

[Rothmus 🏴 @Rothmus]

Many such cases

[Brandon Simpson @Bsimp850]

Afforded empathy for murdering another child bc he was ask to leave an area he wasn’t supposed to be in????? How fucking delusional can you possibly be

[Brandon Simpson @Bsimp850]

@ElijahSchaffer When you find out you can’t stab people in the chest for no reason

[Brandon Simpson @Bsimp850]

Super rare instance of one of these fake tweets actually being worth the read

[Iamemperor @Iamemperor00]

My roommate accidentally convinced our entire apartment building that he was a government agent because he didn’t know how to end conversations normally.

It started because he ordered a shredder.

That’s it.

Just a regular office shredder from Amazon.

But the delivery guy asked,
“What do you need this for?”

And instead of saying “old bank statements” like a civilian, my roommate pauses for two full seconds and goes,

“Can’t really discuss that.”

Why would you say that.

Now the delivery guy looks nervous.
My roommate notices the nervousness.
And instead of correcting himself, he doubles down because apparently social anxiety turns him into a Batman villain.

He leans closer and says:
“Appreciate your discretion.”

The delivery guy left like he had just transported nuclear launch codes.

After that, weird things started happening.

Neighbors became oddly respectful.
People stopped asking him dumb small-talk questions in the elevator.
One old man saluted him once.

At first we thought it was coincidence.

Then our downstairs neighbor knocks on our door and quietly asks,
“Are we safe?”

My roommate, who is eating cereal at the time, just stares at him and says:
“For now.”

FOR NOW???

The neighbor looked like he was about to evacuate his family immediately.

Turns out the delivery guy had apparently told multiple people in the building that “federal people” were living on the third floor.

And honestly my roommate’s lifestyle was NOT helping.

He leaves the apartment at random hours.
Owns three identical black jackets.
Rarely explains where he’s going.
Has terrible posture but walks fast enough to seem important.

One time he came home carrying a locked briefcase.

Do you know what was inside?

A sandwich.

But nobody else knew that.

The paranoia escalated when building management installed new security cameras and my roommate casually muttered,
“About time.”

Now everybody thinks he requested surveillance upgrades.

Then came the incident with Apartment 4B.

There was a huge screaming argument downstairs around midnight.
Doors slamming.
People yelling.
Somebody crying.

The whole building could hear it.

My roommate walks into the hallway, listens for ten seconds, then calmly says:
“They’re moving earlier than expected.”

EARLIER THAN WHAT??

A woman across the hall literally gasped.

The next morning 4B had moved out unexpectedly because apparently they were already behind on rent and the fight ended the relationship.

But now the building believes my roommate orchestrated a covert extraction.

People started treating him like some kind of undercover protector.

Neighbors would randomly update him on “suspicious activity.”

One guy whispered:
“There’s a blue Honda that keeps circling the block.”

My roommate nodded and wrote something down.

Do you know what he wrote?

“Buy oat milk.”

But the guy saw the note-taking and immediately went,
“Knew it.”

Then management offered him a free parking spot “for operational convenience.”

HE TOOK IT.

At this point I asked him why he kept feeding the delusion instead of stopping it.

And he said something I’ll never forget:
“It’s gone too far to explain naturally.”

Which somehow made him sound EVEN MORE like a spy.

Then things became catastrophic.

A package got delivered to the wrong apartment and went missing.

Management called a building meeting about “recent security concerns.”

In the middle of the meeting, somebody actually turned toward my roommate and asked:
“What do you think we should do?”

This idiot crosses his arms and says:
“Keep communication limited. Don’t panic.”

The room nodded collectively.

I was watching a man fail upward into the CIA.

Then an actual police officer showed up later that week because somebody reported “possible federal surveillance activity.”

We thought the game was over.

But when the officer knocked on our door, my roommate opened it halfway, looked at the badge, and sighed like he was disappointed.

[Brandon Simpson @Bsimp850]

@MsAngieV82 No, it’s just that a lot of people don’t understand how that law works. Getting shoved lightly is not an equal display of force to stabbing somebody in the chest with a knife. You can’t kill somebody because they touched you

[Reader Justus ☦️ @ReaderJustus]

Why specifically Christians, Steve?

[Prufrock 🧃 @JAlfredJuicebox]

“It’s the billionaires”
“It’s the alt-right echo chambers”
“It’s the manosphere influencers”
“It’s the…”

Actually it’s the videos of Africans beheading people in the street that are making people more right-wing

[Brandon Simpson @Bsimp850]

Doesn’t sound like they were very good “death camps” then huh? Still believe the mainstream narrative about WW2 is real?

[Garbage Human @GarbageHuman24]

2022: “My 96 year old great aunt survived TWO Nazi death camps”

2025: “My nearly 100 year old great aunt survived not one, not two, but THREE Nazi death camps”

2070: “My 145 year old great aunt survived 76 Nazi death camps”

LMAOOOO 🤣🤣🤣

[Brandon Simpson @Bsimp850]

Jonah Hill made $60k for Wolf of Wall Street and at that time he already had an Oscar nomination and had been an A list actor for a decade

[That COMICBOOK Guy @Culture3ase]

It’s being heavily rumored that ‘OBSESSION’ lead star Inde Navarrette was only paid $20k for her role as Nikki Freeman.

[Brandon Simpson @Bsimp850]

@Culture3ase For being a literal no name actress, working with a first time director who’s resume only includes dark humor Facebook skits and considering it was only 30 days of work that’s pretty fucking good money

[Doc Strangelove @DocStrangelove2]

>foreign nation

[Rothmus 🏴 @Rothmus]

I’m one for conspiracy theories

[Capital-O Opinions @damespjuffy]

How your art director looks at you when she decides that the fair rate she consented to is retroactively unfair because the film turned out to be a massive hit.

[Matt Van Swol @mattvanswol]

🚨WHAT ON EARTH?!!!

A Catholic church in Columbus, OH had to SHUT DOWN its annual FAMILY FESTIVAL because a mob of "teens" turned it into a brawl.

Teens began punching each other and then ROBBED A CVS before they began jumping on cars to escape.

Over 10 people were arrested and 100+ cop cars from TWO DEPARTMENTS showed up.

This was a CHURCH fundraiser THAT WAS PLANNED ALL YEAR LONG FOR THE COMMUNITY!!!!!!!

A family event with carnival rides to support St. Catharine Parish and its SCHOOL.

And now?

The church has CANCELED the ENTIRE FESTIVAL for the rest of 2026.

A fundraiser for a Catholic school... GONE.

Because a mob of "teens" destroyed it and made it unsafe for everyone.

WE DO NOT HAVE TO LIVE LIKE THIS!!!!!!!

[ThePatrioticBlonde™🇺🇸 @ImBreckWorsham]

Sooooo....The Pentagon just declared Israel an enemy to the US the same week Congress voted to merge our military with theirs.

Am I getting that right?

[White Girl @WhiteGirl1776]

A white woman protests holding a sign that says:

“EVERYONE WELCOME EXCEPT RACISTS.”

Days after this photo, this woman was raped and assaulted by 4 Syrian migrants.

A “racist” or two would have saved her from this.