i understand yall upset but don’t try and step on my fucking moment, i’m at the tv screen every monday and friday religiously. i’ve been to more ple’s than most. i probably know more history than most of yall. who’s to say i don’t deserve to be apart of something i love so dearly?
As petty as I am, I want to wish her the absolute worst for doing me wrong, but what does that make me?
Not the caring friend I always was for her, and it damn sure doesn’t make me any better than her…… ☹️
My delusion is telling me that no matter how low the chance may be & no matter what we are/will ever be, you might come back again.
Just my delusion, though.
I’m just tired of it all.
I can’t do this anymore.
But I don’t know what I CAN do.
I miss her. I really do.
I hate some of the things she’s done, but I miss what we’ve done together.
I miss righting our wrongs together & laughing together & chattin’ everyday.
Everyday I still hope that I get that notification from her.
But even my gut tells me to hang up the jersey. It’s never gonna happen again.
If she really misses me, it already would’ve happened.
But alas, here we are.
I hate that my delusion has taken over my mindset.
I hate these long nights when you’re on my mind.
I used to love ‘em.
But it’s mentally draining & moving on only feels temporary & unnatural.
Sometimes I can’t sleep or eat the same, sometimes I sleep too much, just to make time go faster.
But I still end up missing you.
I just want her back by my side again.
I miss what I thought she was.
I miss what I thought we had.
Forget the fact that I’ve been friend-zoned (though it still hurts), why did you leave when you promised you wouldn’t?
Everything reminds me of you & you’re too busy forgetting.
I’ve been nothing but loyal, too.
I can’t even delete any of my memories of her off my phone.
She was my everything.
My best friend, my crush, my rock.
I don’t want to let her go, but it just seems like the “best” option.
Definitely not the easiest, I tell you what.
I really wanted it to be her.
I accepted her red flags, got close with her, helped her with a LOT of her problems, pushed aside MY mental health just to see if she’s doing okay, had lengthy conversations about life & our future & past, I’ve been through so much with her.
I can take rejection. That’s all I’ve been able to take. What I CAN’T take, though, is a bunch of lies mixed in with hope & patience. I’ve been nothing but extremely patient. I don’t want to sound like an “incel”, but I’ve been a fairly nice guy. Sometimes even TOO nice. 🫤
I hate to say it, but I just can’t do it anymore. I’ve wasted a lot of my youth hoping & hoping for something that I already knew I could never have. I can’t keep stressing over someone that I can clearly tell doesn’t give a single fuck about me. It’s just driving me insane. 👀
Whenever I’m not happy as of lately, I seem to always find myself constantly thinking about her; even with the fact that she already let me go. Normally this doesn’t happen with many or most people, but she was different. That’s what it always boils down to every single time. ☹️