Buster Oswald

803 credit score, 1x Class Clown (2015), Former 2019 Honda Civic owner

[Buster Oswald @BusterOswald]

Using rogaine on my asscrack

[Buster Oswald @BusterOswald]

Got fired for hitting the quan too much in the office

[Buster Oswald @BusterOswald]

This weekend I’m going to figure out how to solve a Rubik’s cube. Then I’m going to try and figure out where it all went wrong.

[Buster Oswald @BusterOswald]

Going through puberty

[Buster Oswald @BusterOswald]

My last girlfriend broke up with me while we were out to dinner at a Mexican place as the waiter was making table side guac

[Buster Oswald @BusterOswald]

Poppin a blue chew and heading to hooters. I’ll see you all in hell.

[Buster Oswald @BusterOswald]

Not now kitten, Daddy has a 16 against a dealer 10

[Buster Oswald @BusterOswald]

Smoove off is probably the worst way to get your shit blown

[Buster Oswald @BusterOswald]

Farted in the shower it’s like a fucking gas chamber in here I can’t breathe

[Buster Oswald @BusterOswald]

Blowing my nose into my pocket

[Buster Oswald @BusterOswald]

Call my crotch the upside down the way there’s some stranger things going on in there

[Buster Oswald @BusterOswald]

Missed my sales goal this month and they’re making me walk the plank

[Buster Oswald @BusterOswald]

Me realizing I can’t drink the way I used to is equivalent of a pro athlete realizing he has to retire

[Buster Oswald @BusterOswald]

The biggest lie I was ever led to believe was that high school would be like Project X. It wasn’t and instead of that all I got was a 1.40 KD ratio in Tom Clancy’s Rainbow Six Siege and my girlfriend cheating on me.

[Buster Oswald @BusterOswald]

My dentist told me if I started flossing all my problems would be solved. What a fucking liar.

[Buster Oswald @BusterOswald]

Fell off the treadmill trying to waist band my boner

[Buster Oswald @BusterOswald]

I put my pants on backwards again and now everyone is laughing at me

[Buster Oswald @BusterOswald]

I’m going beast mode

[Buster Oswald @BusterOswald]

Chewing 5 gum for the first time on my flight. I’ll let you all know how it feels later

[Buster Oswald @BusterOswald]

I ate too many fireflies outside so now my stomach has a mysterious yellow glow, like an orb