MichaelCalabrese

[MichaelCalabrese @CalabreseM27]

Why do I care if there’s 2 birds and ones stoned and what does that have to do with your combo meal?

[MichaelCalabrese @CalabreseM27]

Weird that the gas we put in our cars is actually a liquid

[MichaelCalabrese @CalabreseM27]

Diesels bright pink and smells amazing and you’re telling me i can’t drink it?

[MichaelCalabrese @CalabreseM27]

Imagine if beavers enter the stone age and just start eating bricks

[MichaelCalabrese @CalabreseM27]

The devil on my shoulder keeps telling me to play MLB the Show.

[MichaelCalabrese @CalabreseM27]

Proud to say my wife doesnt have to worry about infidelity. Me golfing on our anniversary however…

[MichaelCalabrese @CalabreseM27]

Life is mainly numbers with some geometry and a sprinkling of outlandishness

[MichaelCalabrese @CalabreseM27]

No one responded… I’m looking for a new friend group.

[MichaelCalabrese @CalabreseM27]

Sent the same joke out to 2 different friend groups. The better reaction will decide the superior friend group.

[MichaelCalabrese @CalabreseM27]

I wonder it the amish every hire a P.I. to see if their friends are using technology

[MichaelCalabrese @CalabreseM27]

Accidentally washed the pants i was wearing.

[MichaelCalabrese @CalabreseM27]

Escarra and McMahon hit when you have Wells and Goldschmidt on the bench.

what is Baboone thinking

[MichaelCalabrese @CalabreseM27]

Only hire mimes, they’ll never ask for a raise

[MichaelCalabrese @CalabreseM27]

Babies get applauded when they take a couple steps and then fall.

I’m much better at walking than babies and no one claps for me…

[MichaelCalabrese @CalabreseM27]

Whats the point of working a good hitters count if youre not going to be a hitter

swing 3-0.

[MichaelCalabrese @CalabreseM27]

Weird that the letter A has no real authority over Z

[MichaelCalabrese @CalabreseM27]

if you imagine that everything you eat is shrimp. You’ll think “Man, this shrimp tastes weird.”

[MichaelCalabrese @CalabreseM27]

Should be serving angel hair pasta.

[MichaelCalabrese @CalabreseM27]

Went to church today and they served deviled eggs. I thought we hated that guy?

[MichaelCalabrese @CalabreseM27]

@TalkinYanks @MikeyMak2214