Uncle Jesse

Morally ambiguous and probably hungry… IG: darthcallus 🏴

[Uncle Jesse @CALLun911]

Personally, the thought of someone pulling my mummified corpse from an icy mountainside tomb in 300 years and trying to decipher a space cat tattoo’s relevance keeps me warm at night.

[Uncle Jesse @CALLun911]

Sleeping on a rock slab in 30 degree weather with no signal and no chance anyone will find you in the deep wilderness > sleeping in an airport.

I said it. I meant it.

[Uncle Jesse @CALLun911]

For legal reasons I am NOT currently tossing artillery shells into back yards where I hear children.
Happy New Year fam 🎊

[Uncle Jesse @CALLun911]

Whenever I see TCU playing I sincerely pray that when the US eventually Balkanizes, that the NCAA forms their own pseudo-nation that imposes harsh penalties for crimes against sports culture and the guy who designed those uniforms is the first to be publicly executed.
❤️

[Uncle Jesse @CALLun911]

I tend to be asking myself what the absolute hell I am doing a lot more than is honestly acceptable…

[Uncle Jesse @CALLun911]

Maybe it’s a hot take, but I ain’t rattin out my son. Politics be damned.

[TheAngryAlaskan @RealAngryAlaska]

Oof!!

[Uncle Jesse @CALLun911]

Ah yes… more rain. I may grow gills by August 🫠

[Uncle Jesse @CALLun911]

Girlfriend life hack:
If you’ve got a gf that loves animals so much she will make friends with dogs in public while completely ignoring the owners, just tell them she’s autistic and it really neutralizes the situation.

[Uncle Jesse @CALLun911]

I love turning off my locations before a vacation 😌

[Uncle Jesse @CALLun911]

Paying my water bill is one of the most daunting tasks in my life bc it’s an automated phone payment and I gotta enter like a bazillion numbers and if you get just 1 wrong you gotta start over and tbh I may just rather take the late fee and try again next month at that point…

[Dr. Simon @goddek]

Me 25 years ago.

[318 🇿🇦⚜️ @chreyonce]

@Saints

[Uncle Jesse @CALLun911]

That immediate “mm-mmmmm 🫥” says it all 😂😂😂

[New Orleans Saints @Saints]

Saints Legend Ryan Ramczyk announces the #Saints draft pick of Louisville QB Tyler Shough ⚜️

📺: #NFLDraft on NFLN/ESPN/ABC
📲: Stream on #NFLPlus

[Uncle Jesse @CALLun911]

Well my workout just got extended a good bit… rage lifting and extra bag time for meeeeeee 🥲🤬

[New Orleans Saints @Saints]

With the 40th pick in the Draft, the #Saints select:

Louisville QB Tyler Shough ⚜️

#SaintsDraft | @CoxComm

[Uncle Jesse @CALLun911]

I’m in the middle of coaching and can’t stop checking my phone bc I know the Saints are gonna give me a heart attack #NFLDraft2025

[Uncle Jesse @CALLun911]

Is dancing around my kitchen, drinking white wine straight from the bottle, and cooking breakfast at 4:30 in the afternoon peak adult behavior?
Maybe, but that’s none of your damn business. 🙂