Capt Redbeard

probably real

[Capt Redbeard @Capt_G_Redbeard]

Beach house 👎
Lake house 👍

[Capt Redbeard @Capt_G_Redbeard]

@sammyrhodes Also, Genesis was the 1990s, I guess

[Capt Redbeard @Capt_G_Redbeard]

@sammyrhodes Jacob became Jacqueline, according to Genesis 25 and this heretic

[Capt Redbeard @Capt_G_Redbeard]

When is Kidz Bop going to do 100 gecs?

[Capt Redbeard @Capt_G_Redbeard]

New pet name just dropped. I've decided to call the wife "my Shire"

[Capt Redbeard @Capt_G_Redbeard]

@ShaunakKulkarn1 Olivia Rodrigo's based

[Capt Redbeard @Capt_G_Redbeard]

Watching the scene of Anakin being freed in Episode 1 to celebrate Juneteenth

[Capt Redbeard @Capt_G_Redbeard]

Of course Australia got a yellow card. They're a bunch of criminals.

[Capt Redbeard @Capt_G_Redbeard]

Indiana, what's the meaning of this??

[Capt Redbeard @Capt_G_Redbeard]

.@dalepartridge I only got 3 hours of sleep and we're driving a young woman home from church. Is it ok if my wife drives so they can sit together and I don't endanger us?

[Capt Redbeard @Capt_G_Redbeard]

Live laugh love-esque decor, but make it a deathcore logo

[Capt Redbeard @Capt_G_Redbeard]

Trix brought back shapes, but left out the bright food dyes. This is because of woke.

[Capt Redbeard @Capt_G_Redbeard]

GALatians?! No, thank you. I'll read GUYations like a real man.

[Capt Redbeard @Capt_G_Redbeard]

Anyone else tape index cards to the bottom of your shoe as a kid so you could grind on benches or handrails?

[Capt Redbeard @Capt_G_Redbeard]

Gentlemen, remember the best way to celebrate mother's day Day is make sure your wife continues to do her normal motherly duties. Otherwise she's just celebrating woke feminism.

[Capt Redbeard @Capt_G_Redbeard]

Happy Mother's Day to all the men who made women into moms. You're the real heros today.

[Capt Redbeard @Capt_G_Redbeard]

Why do homeschooled kids keep playing school?

[Mattie Montgomery @ForTodayMattie]

Had to step back into the ring for this one. Have you heard my feature on “Revivalist” yet?

[Capt Redbeard @Capt_G_Redbeard]

The biggest reason my life is meaningless is I never got to visit Nickelodeon Studios in Orlando and I never will.