Carlo

I don’t know where I’m going, but it’ll be fun when I get there.

[Carlo @CarloEby]

"Royalty is never late, everyone else is simply early." https://t.co/l34uhoNbMH

[Mo @mariahkoeneke]

Heard the student body president walked into his first class late today. Care to elaborate? @CarloEby

[Fun Fact Ass Nigga @Maxx_Power81]

"Dying for your country is a patriotic fairy tale. In reality, you will bleed out in the mud like a butchered dog for absolutely nothing." - Ernest Hemingway

[Tyler DeLuca @TylerDeLuca]

Genuinely the best thing that can happen to American soccer culture is to lean in to what makes us unique with our college football culture opposed to doing our version of European soccer culture

College gameday style atmospheres is a great start

[Lee (Greater) @shortmagsmle]

Accidentally re-inventing “thinking” from first principles

[InAllKindsOfWeather.com @AllKindsWeather]

Actually, the NCAA can very easily prevent Brendan Sorsby from playing lol

All it takes is one statement that reads “if Brendan Sorsby so much as plays a single down for Texas Tech, not only does Texas Tech forfeit every game of that season but their entire athletics program is permanently barred from competing for NCAA Championships in any sport.”

They could put that out there with about two minutes of work, and then enforce it by simply never allowing Texas Tech to be selected for the CFP or NCAA Tournament in any sport ever again.

Beyond a bunch of oil barons and the few thousand people who rely on their money in West Texas needing to find a new hobby, there’s absolutely zero downside to this. Sometimes, there just needs to be a sacrificial lamb. It’s called a deterrent. And when someone disrupts the natural flow of society badly enough, you need to hold a public execution to remind the masses that the very idea of law and order still exists. College sports will survive just fine without the presence of a historically irrelevant athletics program that’s third fiddle in its own state.

[Amelia @amelia_tweetz]

Imagine if a woman president crashed the economy and started a war with no end in sight, and her biggest, seemingly ONLY concern was building a ballroom and redecorating the White House.

[Denzel Rust @AdemLuz]

Everyone is always rooting for you. Your parents want you to be a great son. Wife wants you to be a great husband. Your boss wants you to be a slam dunk hire. Every first date you’ve ever been on they’ve been rooting for you to get laid. Every time you started to tell a joke people hoped it would have a hilarious punch line. Your proximity to anyone is a reflection of themself, meaning the deck is never stacked against you, and your failures are completely your own

[7/11 Truther @DaveMcNamee3000]

We are very close to reaching the most American sentence ever made

[Shay Boloor @StockSavvyShay]

Jeff Bezos said higher taxes on billionaires will not fix America’s fiscal problems arguing real issue is government spending.

He joked that if $AMZN ran like New York City schools then packages would take six weeks, cost $100 to deliver and still arrive with the wrong item.

[Shay Boloor @StockSavvyShay]

Jeff Bezos said the bottom half of Americans should pay zero federal income tax.

He cited a nurse in Queens making ~$75K and paying ~$12K in taxes saying “we shouldn’t be asking this nurse in Queens to send money to Washington.”

[Ryan Autullo @RyanAutullo]

Here’s Judge Phillip Hays. He will decide if Texas Tech QB Brendan Sorsby gets to play this fall.

[Josh Pate @JoshPateCFB]

Americans just spent $38b on ONE Mother’s Day…surely we expand to 12 or 24 Mother’s Days

[Dominic Pino @DominicJPino]

Imagining explaining to the Founding Fathers that the president imposed tariffs without an act of Congress and then removed them at the request of the King of England

[imrealangry import export co. inc. @imrealangry]

they blockading the Strait of Hein-muz

[Matt Henkel @mattdhenkel]

Jon Gruden might just be the funniest man on the planet

[manny @mannyfidel]

the wife of a deceased podcaster was unavailable to attend our event tonight. please join me in welcoming our backup option for this evening: the vice president of the united states of america

[rwlk @sherlock_hodles]

Trump every time the S&P 500 drops more than a percent

[Alon Mizrahi @alon_mizrahi]

Iran has been bombing perhaps 10 countries for over two weeks, everyday, firing thousands of missiles and drones under heavy attacks, aiming for targets hundreds and thousands of kilometers away -

Didn't hit one school.

[Ælþemplær @Aelthemplaer]

News from 2000 years ago

[wtxoil @wtxoil]

Bro, if this oil price sustains Texas Tech is going to win the Super Bowl.

[Ian Hartitz @Ihartitz]

"Love is Blind" but it's just Jon Gruden listening to retired quarterbacks doing snap counts on the other side of a wall