Daniel Carpenter

Contraindicated fart.

[Daniel Carpenter @Carpendaddy]

@NextGenStats what was Hunter Henry’s fastest ball carry speed in the Super Bowl? I’m having trouble sorting the stats on the website.

[Daniel Carpenter @Carpendaddy]

@DK_Assist C’mon, please, can these settle? It’s now the next weekend.

[Daniel Carpenter @Carpendaddy]

@DK_Assist Any word on when the NextGen Player Fastest Ball Carry Speed will pay out? I have a couple with Hunter Henry under 16.5MPH that haven’t cashed yet.

[Daniel Carpenter @Carpendaddy]

@DK_Assist When will Nextgen player speed bets be payed out? The game ended 2.5 days ago and the other sportsbooks have paid out. I’m due a decent payout and I’m a little invested.

[Daniel Carpenter @Carpendaddy]

Thanks for nothing @UPS. I had something shipped using your service to get it sooner. Nope! Oh, it’s going to arrive when you’re out of town? Now I’ve paid ANOTHER $10 to reschedule the delivery… for yesterday. I still don’t have my package and @UPS support is no help!

[Daniel Carpenter @Carpendaddy]

@StateFarm Is it normal for over a week to pass after filing a homeowners claim for damage (that 100% needs fixing ASAP) and to hear nothing back? I received an email asking for pictures and I sent over plenty. We’re on day 8 of no response as of today.

[Daniel Carpenter @Carpendaddy]

@bathbodyworks Can someone tell me why I haven’t received my e-gift card order that I ordered over 72 hours ago? Customer service flat out ignores me or tells me to try again later. Why do I have to dedicate this much time in receiving an emailed code?

[Daniel Carpenter @Carpendaddy]

@chrisannem @VaroBank No bank will cash it. I went directly to the issuing bank and they essentially laughed in my face and wouldn’t touch the check. Had to go back and ask for another check and void the old one. A major inconvenience and embarrassing. I’ve already unlinked everything from @VaroBank

[Daniel Carpenter @Carpendaddy]

Free beers for Disenchantment? Hecketh yes. #RoyalTreatment 🍻

[Daniel Carpenter @Carpendaddy]

@gofundme Can you please share my campaign. We're definitely in need of the help. https://t.co/GPi3fTlkm9

[Daniel Carpenter @Carpendaddy]

Like you said in post game, Lee coming up big when needed @ChrisVernonShow https://t.co/Z5Z8mdfba0

[Synergy Basketball @SynergySST]

Courtney Lee has made an outstanding 60% of his jump shots this postseason. Simply can't leave him open at this point.

[Daniel Carpenter @Carpendaddy]

@MyBitsoup PC went down recently & my account went inactive. Any way I can get it back? Had great ratio (w/2+TB upload). u/n : tranqxility

[Damien Woody @damienwoody]

Was this game a Buffalo Wild Wing commercial?!?! #MNF

[Daniel Carpenter @Carpendaddy]

@DarrellGambler I'm sure you did a search on those magic cards. How could you sell for so little? You got 1/4 of what you'd get on eBay.

[Justin @shitmydadsays]

"Valentine's day is bullshit. Our DNA demands we fuck each other, so if you need a holiday to talk your wife into screwing you, it's over."

[Chase Mitchell @ChaseMit]

Mark Wahlberg could have stopped Seal and Heidi Klum's divorce.

[Garry Shandling @GarryShandling]

Tebow just turned the Gatoraid into wine.

[Daniel Carpenter @Carpendaddy]

@EddieMcClintock @jason_omara @MalinAkerman @allisonscag @AdamRichman Any chance of a shout out from my fav tweet-stars on my b-day?

[Daniel Carpenter @Carpendaddy]

@christacampbell Happy Birthday! We share a birthday together. Pearl Harbor day twinkies.