Why couldn't I have been born as some beautiful looking woman :<
whenever I'm outside I look around and am like "wow that's how I could've looked like if I was just luckier when I was given birth"
Someone asked me βwhy the videoβ. Itβs because it personally watching it was the best way to describe what it felt like, losing my innocence about the world sent me down paths I donβt even like to think about. I remember before I was violated, I saw life almost as a game and everything felt like it would be okay. After being violated I had irrational fears, I would scream and cry for my mother to not leave me alone with males even when she did.
And then came puberty. Puberty did to me physically what rape did to me mentally. And they both compounded into something worse. My entire body went from the same as my fellow female peers to a grotesque male visage, I gained weight due to depression and then ended up rapidly losing said weight due to depression.
The slightly edited Walten files video is my way of expressing my utter horror and physical pain I feel being forced into a body I never asked for nor wanted when it was presented to me. My grandmother had a similar experience and she is treated the same by family as many people treat me. You are good and wonderful until you speak up and express yourself
You will never actually understand the deep emotional pain of rape, nor of gender dysphoria. You will never have to look in the mirror and see a disgusting wretched, torn and ripped apart visage of what you could have been.
You never stayed up every night praying to Heavenly Father that he would kill you in your sleep and allow you to be reborn a girl at age 11, you didnβt have to deal with the horror of puberty destroying what little femininity you had.
You never had to deal with realizing the few things you held dear in life would be ripped from you like a bullied child
You will never know what itβs like to yearn to be a mother, to pray to god that you could even have a chance, knowing itβs all for nought. Mourning the children you could never bear, mourning the loss of my unborn, unconceivable children
Regardless of what kind of trauma it is, it is so deeply painful i will never be able to tell anyone about it even a psychiatrist without them acting like Iβm overreacting
Curse you, I hope that you may feel a fraction of the pain I have dealt with, and I wish impotence upon you so that you can know how it feels, amen