Things that have been invented since Grover Cleveland Alexander set the Phillies record for consecutive scoreless innings in 1911:
The zipper
Sliced bread
Numbers on baseball jerseys
Chocolate chip cookies
Traffic lights
The Titanic
Automated Ball Strike System
Piss off best player ✅
Trade your best situational lefty reliever ✅
Let starting CF walk for cheap ✅
Get played by Bo Bichette ✅
Tell your catcher he’s 2nd best option ✅
Overpay him as a result ✅
Make a spectacle of Casty situation ✅
Hell of an offseason. 👏🏼
#Phillies
BlondedErin’s 2026 agenda (in order):
1. Nuke Alec Bohm into the sun
2. Sign Bo Bichette
3. Against all odds acquire Tarik Skubal (bare with me)
4. Ask Harrison Bader very nicely to stay
5. Win the 2026 World Series
6. Baseball lockout