Chris P

[Chris P @ChrizzyChris18]

Goosebumps

[Orlando City SC @OrlandoCitySC]

Never tell our boys the odds. They don't care. #HustleAndHunger

[Chris P @ChrizzyChris18]

@Shabijfinch

[Chris P @ChrizzyChris18]

Ok but why does everyone who does karaoke think they can sing?
Pretty sure I’ve heard dying cats sound better

[Chris P @ChrizzyChris18]

Vibe Check….in Alaska
@Shabijfinch @rachellwilson13

[Chris P @ChrizzyChris18]

Rachel’s over here fighting with pigeons and trying to start a fight with them

[Chris P @ChrizzyChris18]

I’m a simple man. There’s 3 things I want when I buy a house. I want a grill, I want a Blackstone and I want a wok stove (all gas/propane powered too)

[Chris P @ChrizzyChris18]

It should be considered criminal that I can’t get a beer at 6am at the Dulles Airport. Blasphemy!

[Chris P @ChrizzyChris18]

My biggest pet peeve right now is the fact that ignorant ass people think it’s ok to change the size of their party for the reservation as soon as they walk in. Like mother fuckers this isn’t how that works.

[Chris P @ChrizzyChris18]

“Show some hole honey, show your cleavage”

[Chris P @ChrizzyChris18]

Rachel to me before going to work: “make us some tips today, show some butthole”

[Chris P @ChrizzyChris18]

Dear @twofriendsmusic Big Booty mixes,

Please give me the strength to get through my long ass work days ahead.

Love always,
Me

[Chris P @ChrizzyChris18]

Do you ever get so excited to put on a piece of clothing, only to put it on and it doesn’t fit anymore?

[Chris P @ChrizzyChris18]

@Shabijfinch Ooooooh fuck

[Chris P @ChrizzyChris18]

The only designer things I own are these bags under my eyes.

[Chris P @ChrizzyChris18]

Florida could never

[Chris P @ChrizzyChris18]

Rachel just said that Timothee Chalamet is so ugly that he looks like a kid who always has Cheeto dust on his fingers. @rachellwilson13

[Chris P @ChrizzyChris18]

I’m not much of a basketball guy, but boy howdy did that @nyknicks game make me feel something.

[Chris P @ChrizzyChris18]

Sometimes I think I’m having a seizure, then I realize it’s firefly season

[Chris P @ChrizzyChris18]

Update: I did it after the walk

[Chris P @ChrizzyChris18]

Chat, should I shotgun a beer before going on a walk with @rachellwilson13 ?

[Chris P @ChrizzyChris18]

Dear @EpicGames, I’m going to need you to fix ALL your match making in all your games. The fact that its a Monday night and I’m in some kind of bullshit ass pro gamer lobby time after time is ridiculous