Henry Miller

[brenda ⚢ @deerf3mme]

i will restart my whole car if my carplay doesn’t connect like sorry i am not driving without it

[! @cfwmx]

instagram be suggesting people your gf cheating on u wit

[𝓒𝓸𝓶𝓶𝓪𝓷𝓭𝓮𝓻 🏴‍☠️ @c0mmandderr]

"i was born in the wrong generation" bro we can literally fry shit with the air. what else do u want

[Richard “Dixon” Ciderbox @richardciderbox]

At my buddy’s lakehouse and I’m a tad bit too drunk I think his family hates me

[hb @h3xenbrenner2]

even if you paused your game to be somewhere?

[iloveyourmummyjsyk @g4na_xo]

to the apps that pause my music when i open them, fuck you

[Kyle “Cheddy Bomb” Chad @GPGinthisho]

Snapchat I couldn’t give any less fucks

[Barney “Deputy” Fife @DeputyFife69]

What would happen if I just started suckin the fingers of the hot dental assistant while she cleans my teeth

[Stuart Feiner @StuartFeiner]

That Conor McGregor fight was the equivalent of getting ready to fuck on prom night and busting taking off your pants

[femiiiiii. @femiiiszn]

have you ever been annoyed by someone's mindset? like, you cannot believe they actually think like that.

[Rata 🌇 @RANK10YGO]

if a website asks me for a verification code and i check my email and it's not in there within 0.1 picosecond of the request i roar and swing my arms madly and start hurting those close to me

[Davey “Squid” Jones @DaveyJoneso7]

Just hit my driver the best I ever will followed by a approach wedge straight into the water #thatsbaseball

[roku @rokuxvii]

i think she's using me for my terrible looks and bad dick and no money

[kitty 🐻 @xoo_kitty]

I like using twitter because none of my friends use it

[E D. Awg @Emawnish]

We killing you and binding your soul to a blade bro

[char ᢉ𐭩 @alcdec]

doomscrolling on twitter feels so much more productive than doomscrolling on tiktok bc it’s like i’m basically reading

[Super Fan🇮🇪 @McGregorRousey2]

There’s no meaning to life

[Robert “Tits” Freshman @BobbyFruzz]

Saved a drunk snap because she looked good and she promptly deleted it #watdatmean