christopher leonard

Intelligent carefree drunk

[christopher leonard @CLeonard82]

@Reba My mother is coming to see you in Vegas for the first time on Saturday. Some of my earliest and best memories are her singing her heart out to your music. Seeing as its December, any way you'd play The Christmas Guest for her? Its one of her all time favorites.
-Christopher

[christopher leonard @CLeonard82]

@huggins_e Please check out Gabe Leonard's artwork in regards to The Dark Tower movie. His art would be perfect for the movie posters.

[christopher leonard @CLeonard82]

@laina622 I think you're beautifully odd and gorgeously unique. Also, it's super rad that we share the same birthday.

[christopher leonard @CLeonard82]

@MacMiller This Asheville show tonight is the first show I'm taking my brother and godson to. Kick that old school dope shit for us.

[caprice crane @capricecrane]

You had me at "Are you hungry?"

[caprice crane @capricecrane]

People are like snowflakes. I'm not really interested in their opinions.

[Jelisa Castrodale @gordonshumway]

I'd be the worst 'Who Wants to Be a Millionaire' contestant ever because I'd rather lose the game than to have to call someone on the phone.

[Very Short Story @VeryShortStory]

I used my second wish to undo the first. Your body sprang back to life. The third wish I'm keeping, in case you got out of line again.

[Very Short Story @VeryShortStory]

I put the poison in the cup and we sat down to tea. My wife, Hilda, chattered on, not noticing I'd expired, finally finding peace and quiet.

[Conan O'Brien @ConanOBrien]

How much does Ira Glass charge to narrate a sex tape?

[Derek @FriedWords]

Always believe in yourself... Unless you're a fucking liar.

[Very Short Story @VeryShortStory]

Each new wrinkle was a mark of a lesson learned. The years had filled me with knowledge, but I sat alone, the young ones not seeing my value

[caprice crane @capricecrane]

Having panic attacks over things I have absolutely no control over is my super power.

[caprice crane @capricecrane]

I'd say I'm not a morning person but really I'm not so sure I'm an evening person either.

[caprice crane @capricecrane]

No, I don't know how fast I was going because I can't look at my cell phone and my speedometer at the same time. Obviously. Officer.

[Very Short Story @VeryShortStory]

Life felt like an uncomfortable sticky mess. Unsure how to change it, I eased into a bathtub full of syrup to get used to living.

[caprice crane @capricecrane]

The most strongly developed sense in dogs is smell. The most strongly developed sense in assholes is entitlement.

[caprice crane @capricecrane]

I was told there's a special place in hell for me which seems thoughtful actually. Who wants to be stuck with the riff-raff in regular hell?

[caprice crane @capricecrane]

If pointing and laughing at kids crying on Santa's lap at the mall is wrong, then I'm still doing it because that shit is hilarious.