Jokes For Ya

Jokes, polls, and quotes that hopefully make you smile. All Original (except the quotes)!

[Jokes For Ya @CleverComedy_20]

Dieting: the only thing less successful in this country than the government.

[Jokes For Ya @CleverComedy_20]

Phrases that don’t make sense: “cute as Hell.”

[Jokes For Ya @CleverComedy_20]

Most difficult:

[Jokes For Ya @CleverComedy_20]

“Frisbeetarianism is the belief that when you die, your soul goes up on the roof and gets stuck.” - George Carlin

[Jokes For Ya @CleverComedy_20]

Teacher: “Essay has to be 3 pages long.”
Me: “How bout 2.”
Me in detention: “3 it is.”

[Jokes For Ya @CleverComedy_20]

Know what I’m pissed about, Bernie? 15% of Twitter users account for 85% of all tweets! A travesty!

[Jokes For Ya @CleverComedy_20]

If I became mayor the first thing I would do is lower the cost of cocaine. Hey, that’s one way to make college more affordable.

[Jokes For Ya @CleverComedy_20]

Sex is the only reason I get up in the morning. The only reason I get up is to go down.

[Jokes For Ya @CleverComedy_20]

“I’m a badass when it comes to grapes.”

[Jokes For Ya @CleverComedy_20]

@JamtheGym @levi_zelanko Only a joke, I don’t mind it 😁

[Jokes For Ya @CleverComedy_20]

One thing that annoys me on Twitter is when people are thoughtful and serious and then suddenly become trivial. You can’t post a 500-word essay on why Congress should pass stricter gun laws and then retweet a photo of baby Voldemort.

[Jokes For Ya @CleverComedy_20]

Hiatus: I use the word, I dunno what the fuck it means.

[Jokes For Ya @CleverComedy_20]

How do you say “that’s the stupidest thing I’ve ever heard” without being rude?

[Jokes For Ya @CleverComedy_20]

“I’ll forgive, but I’ll never forget” is just another way of saying “I’ll let it go, but fuck you”

[Jokes For Ya @CleverComedy_20]

Perturb: the polite man’s “disturb”

[Jokes For Ya @CleverComedy_20]

@JamtheGym That’s why you need to Jam The Gym!

[Jokes For Ya @CleverComedy_20]

Women have it really tough. Even if you do something incredible, you’re known as a heroine!

[Jokes For Ya @CleverComedy_20]

@LateNitecomic Maybe but he doesn’t fit the joke.

[Jokes For Ya @CleverComedy_20]

You know who would love sodomy? Sodom Houssain.

[Jokes For Ya @CleverComedy_20]

“Have you ever noticed that anyone driving slower than you is an idiot, and anyone going faster than you is a maniac?” ~George Carlin