Clint Cowan

[Clint Cowan @Clintc1024]

"Not gonna make it in today boss, I've pulled my hamstring"
"Ok"
*I recline & pull a string that dumps a big juicy ham right into my lap*

[Clint Cowan @Clintc1024]

♫ Well Uncle Sam put your name at the top of his list / and the Statue of Liberty started shaking her tits ♫

[Clint Cowan @Clintc1024]

Has anyone ever referred to goths/emos as halloween honkys? Can we start?

[Clint Cowan @Clintc1024]

Has anyone ever referred to goths/emos as halloween honkys? Can we start?

[Clint Cowan @Clintc1024]

ICE Maker

[Clint Cowan @Clintc1024]

Gucci on my gooch

[Clint Cowan @Clintc1024]

If Uncle Luke says you're too freaky, then you might have a problem 🤣 🤣

[Clint Cowan @Clintc1024]

Bill and Ted's Extremely Disappointing Job Interview

[Clint Cowan @Clintc1024]

Clearly you don't know what to call someone who has children, that's apparent.

[Clint Cowan @Clintc1024]

Strawberry fields for a limited time only

[Clint Cowan @Clintc1024]

"Dad there's a Monster under my bed"
"Ok son, I'll check it out"
*looks under bed*
"OH DAMN IT'S A 24oz!"
*chugs that shit*

[Clint Cowan @Clintc1024]

"Yeah, he's a one trick pony"
* pony drops in on the half pipe and lands a perfect 900*
"Pretty rad fucking trick though"

[Clint Cowan @Clintc1024]

Dad will u take me 2 the mall?
Sure Im dtf
what?
U know. Dope & totally fresh
Thats not...
Ur moms dtf 2. Right hun?
*mom starts beatboxing*

[Clint Cowan @Clintc1024]

Dewayne "The Rock" Johnson stands n the ring.
"I challenge anybody"
Mike "The Paper" Jones heads 2 the ring.
The rock swallows nervously

[Clint Cowan @Clintc1024]

My mom dropped me on my head when I was a baby, also as a toddler. When I got a lil older she started w/ the dropkicks. Last week piledriver

[Clint Cowan @Clintc1024]

If u luv sumthin set it free
*releases 2yr old into the wild*
Good luck son
*sobbing*
STOP FOLLOWING ME! GO ON,GET OUT OF HERE
*throws rocks

[Clint Cowan @Clintc1024]

Me: IM THE BREADWINNER N THIS FAMILY!
Wife:Its been 8 yrs since the Hostess contest, Bill. All we eat is bread
Daughter: pls get a job daddy

[Clint Cowan @Clintc1024]

"Want me to help you with that tux?"
"No"
"Ok, suit yourself"

[Clint Cowan @Clintc1024]

You guys have been the worst hostages I've ever used, hands down.
*everyone lowers their hands*
GODDAMN IT!!

[Clint Cowan @Clintc1024]

Carson Beck looks like a Tim Burton character

[Clint Cowan @Clintc1024]

I think CPS should have been called after the third little monkey bumped his head.