Andy Pethick

I write, perform and promote stand up comedy.
Co-run

[Andy Pethick @clownandy]

@RosieisaHolt Thank the Lord he wasn't Prime Minister when his parents migrated, poor things might have ended up in Rwanda. (In fairness, that could have happened anyway if they'd flown Ryanair).

[Mark Steel @mrmarksteel]

Rishi Sunak will surely be investigated for links to a Far-East betting syndicate for being this hopeless. Tomorrow he’ll say ‘if elected, I will personally kick David Attenborough right in the bollocks’.

[Andy Pethick @clownandy]

@JonathanPieNews If only the Government hadn't lifted those pesky energy caps. I bet they're kicking themselves now, well, you know, hindsight and all that...
#sarcasm #pissedofftothebackteeth
#morallybankruptne'erdowells

[Andy Pethick @clownandy]

@MichaelOFarrel6 @1968Tv Likewise 👍

[Andy Pethick @clownandy]

@GNev2 Just Listen to yourself, you hideous moron. Ffs, learn some self respect, if nothing else.

[Andy Pethick @clownandy]

@10DowningStreet @RishiSunak Well, as it worked so well criminalising drugs, why not?

[Andy Pethick @clownandy]

@GNev2 Oh my giddy Aunt.

[Andy Pethick @clownandy]

@BecSchuster @theglitch_se1 @lynseybinsey @MarianasBits Have a great night Rebecca! Shame I can't get there to see you perform.

[Andy Pethick @clownandy]

@JolyonMaugham WE didn't!

[Mark Steel @mrmarksteel]

The problem is that their reporters, editors and owner find it hard to accept that most of us are flawed, and can’t live up to the high moral values, devotion to the absolute truth and extreme chastity represented by The Sun.

[Andy Pethick @clownandy]

@prodnose Really?

[Andy Pethick @clownandy]

@Femi_Sorry Oh my F*****g Lord! How the hell does he tie his own shoelaces?

[Andy Pethick @clownandy]

I see Gareth's gone gung ho all out attack with just the 3 holding midfielders. Maybe needs to shore things up at half time by bringing on Ramsdale and Pope to sit alongside Pickford.

[Mark Steel @mrmarksteel]

This time next year there will be millions of people going « I never liked him before, but credit where it’s due, Putin has been brilliant at the trials. And he was so brave with that eel. »

[Adrian Edmondson ❎ @AdrianEdmondson]

This obsession with ‘working hard’ and ‘hard working families’ is depressingly Victorian. We live in an age of machines that can do all that stuff for us. People should be having more diverse and more fulfilled lives, not grinding away until they die.

[Andy Pethick @clownandy]

@JonathanPieNews Quinoa. Sounds refreshingly new and exotic, but no-one knows what the f**k it is.

[VeryBritishProblems @SoVeryBritish]

Time estimates:

“Give me one sec” - Within the hour
“I’ll be one minute” - An hour or two
“I’m on it” - Maybe today
"In a bit" - Sometime this week
“It’s on my list” - Perhaps this month
"Leave it with me" - Possibly never
“If I have time” - Never

[Frankie Boyle Updates @frankieboyle]

I hope Liz Truss will now apologise to the school she said overlooked her potential

[David Lammy @DavidLammy]

I have a joke about trickle down economics.

99% of you won’t ever get it.