Cobra Commander

How dare you anticipate my strategy!

[Cobra Commander @CobraCommander]

It was a cash bar at the Taylor Swift wedding. Not the first time I’ve killed a man at Madison Square Garden. Probably won’t be the last.

[Cobra Commander @CobraCommander]

Taking the boys out for a little twilight cruise in the dank swampy waters of the Lincoln Memorial Reflecting Pool

[Cobra Commander @CobraCommander]

He’ll fight for freedom
wherever there’s oil
G.I. Joe is there!

[Cobra Commander @CobraCommander]

It’s no Terror Drome, that’s for sure.

[Cobra Commander @CobraCommander]

FAKE NEWS! I wouldn’t be caught dead in a pattern.

[Cobra Commander @CobraCommander]

Do you know how easy recruiting able-bodied, feeble-brained cannon fodder is getting? Whatever clusterfail of an education system/economy you people have going, keep it up. COBRA!

[Cobra Commander @CobraCommander]

APRIL — 2026

IRAN IS MASTER OF THE MIDDLE EAST
ONLY SOCIAL MEDIA POSTS STAND BEFORE THEM

OCEANS ARE NOW BATTLEFIELDS

[Cobra Commander @CobraCommander]

“The Pope is soft on crime!” is something you’d hear an angry hobo yell from a cardboard box.

[Cobra Commander @CobraCommander]

Just imagine what NASA isn’t showing you. We’ve got the real footage. COBRA!

[Cobra Commander @CobraCommander]

A whole civilization will die tonight, never to be brought back again. I don’t want that to happen, but it probably will. I’m of course referring to Branson, Missouri. I’ve had enough.

[Cobra Commander @CobraCommander]

Every order is an illegal order if you join Cobra!

[Cobra Commander @CobraCommander]

For sale: Kit Kats, never broken

[Cobra Commander @CobraCommander]

I need my supposed enemies to be better than this current crop of morons. Open the schools!

[Cobra Commander @CobraCommander]

Hope you enjoy your five-hour TSA lines and ICE checkpoints at the airport this week, America. I’ll continue to travel in style, unbothered.

[Cobra Commander @CobraCommander]

Netanyahu cancelled golf this week. I’m sure it’s nothing serious.

[Cobra Commander @CobraCommander]

Listen, don’t ask don’t tell, but it always felt like a bit much to have a Sailor, a Marine, and a Lady Jaye.

[Cobra Commander @CobraCommander]

You expect me to believe your military isn’t woke when your special forces are full of DEI hires?

[Cobra Commander @CobraCommander]

One Battle After Another was just ok!

[Cobra Commander @CobraCommander]

What do you mean I wasn’t nominated for Best Director?!

[Cobra Commander @CobraCommander]

The Ides of March? Oh, you got stabbed a little?! Give me a break. My underlings try to murder me constantly.

[Cobra Commander @CobraCommander]

If I stopped drinking would you let me run the Pentagon? I have ideas, you know.