Collin Simmons

I watch television. I really like Jurassic Park. The views expressed on this twitter feed are my own and do not necessarily reflect the views of my employer.

[Collin Simmons @CollinColeman]

Charity’s voice echoing in that airplane hanger really digs the knife in deeper. “Ya dumped…dumped…dumped…dumped!” #wyatr @annahossnieh @ArdenMyrin

[Collin Simmons @CollinColeman]

These people on the knitting date are having more fun than anyone has ever had in Cleveland. #wyatr @annahossnieh @ArdenMyrin

[Collin Simmons @CollinColeman]

Joey looks like if Minecraft Steve went on FBoy Island #wyatr @annahossnieh @ArdenMyrin

[Collin Simmons @CollinColeman]

Only Brayden could out-precocious a troop of plucky Girl Scouts #wyatr @annahossnieh @ArdenMyrin

[Collin Simmons @CollinColeman]

Brayden trading his old lady dangly earrings for an old man walking stick was not the accessory swap I was anticipating! #wyatr @ArdenMyrin @annahossnieh

[Collin Simmons @CollinColeman]

Brayden is pretty clearly not there for spring break as he doesn’t have his giant neon pink plastic Shein earrings in @annahossnieh @ArdenMyrin #wyatr

[Collin Simmons @CollinColeman]

.@annahossnieh @ArdenMyrin #WYATR I’d love to win tweet of the week, but nothing I tweet will be funnier than Aaron S saying he can’t believe they’re playing dodgeball while Yosef has a daughter at home!

[Collin Simmons @CollinColeman]

Happy Recover From Succession Finale Day to all who celebrate!

[Collin Simmons @CollinColeman]

The sad thing about band tees being trendy now is that all the shirts I got at those concerts are all worn out by now!

[Collin Simmons @CollinColeman]

Doja Cat wins #catgala #MetGala

[Collin Simmons @CollinColeman]

I want to serve a lewk #MetGala

[Collin Simmons @CollinColeman]

I’m starting to think Sean Lowe isn’t there for the right reasons. #wyatr @annahossnieh @ArdenMyrin #bachelor

[Collin Simmons @CollinColeman]

Freud would have a field day with Gabi guessing Zach puts mayonnaise on his pancakes! #wyatr #TheBachelor @annahossnieh @ArdenMyrin

[Collin Simmons @CollinColeman]

“You deserve all the love I couldn’t give to you” is almost exactly what Zach said to Brooklyn and Charity. There’s no joke here, that’s just shady as hell. #wyatr @annahossnieh @ArdenMyrin #TheBachelor

[Collin Simmons @CollinColeman]

I want to make fun of this episode for recapping scenes that just happened, but honestly I would have thought it was Jesse, not Sean Lowe, if not for that blonde hair #TheBachelor #WYATR @annahossnieh @ArdenMyrin

[Collin Simmons @CollinColeman]

Sean Lowe’s underlying advice is that if you stick with the woman you pick, you get to keep milking this franchise for guest appearance fees year after year #wyatr #TheBachelor @annahossnieh @ArdenMyrin

[Collin Simmons @CollinColeman]

“I would support this moving forward” is only said by moms who hate whatever date their kid brought home or politicians trying not to sound like they’re agreeing to be blackmailed on the phone. #TheBachelor #wyatr @annahossnieh @ardenmyrin

[Collin Simmons @CollinColeman]

Zach building Kaity’s IKEA bookshelf while smiling is proof either that he really is A.I. or the most conflict-averse human on the planet #TheBachelor #wyatr @annahossnieh @ardenmyrin

[Collin Simmons @CollinColeman]

You know the bachelor producers MUST love Zach because they didn’t show him justifying his interest in Kaity at least in part since she already lives where he does. He’s looking for the least amount of real life convos ever, including “where should we live. #wyatr

[Collin Simmons @CollinColeman]

The producers MUST love Zach for cutting out him saying to Charity, “First all that spicy food and now line dancing? Golly jeepers, this is the most excitement I’ve had in years!” #wyatr @annahossnieh @ArdenMyrin #TheBachelor