Colonel Shoaff

Colonel of the elite Okaw Valley Regiment --- Expert military tactician and marksman---Leader of LPC Brigade---Not actually Mr Shoaff

[Colonel Shoaff @ColonelShoaff]

@OkawValley I nominate Jeb "Skeeter" McClellan for the Hall of Fame. Skeet is the only chap to defeat me in a pugilist duel. That alone should earn him the honor. It didn't help I was attacked by our class possum "Rabies."

[Colonel Shoaff @ColonelShoaff]

@OkawValley

[Colonel Shoaff @ColonelShoaff]

Dearest Stephenie

General Stauder and I surveyed our newest recruits. It's been only a few days but I am pleased. The coyote fur mask you knitted fits perfect but does make me look mischievous. However, the only mischief will be when I loot the barracks for chocolate.

[Colonel Shoaff @ColonelShoaff]

@Mhshoaff I'll let you know if I encounter it on the trail

[Colonel Shoaff @ColonelShoaff]

@stauder_kent @OkawValley @Mhshoaff The troops surprised me this morning with possum cake for my birthday. It was a grand gesture. However, I asked the troops to try and guess my age. Much to my chagrin the most popular answer was 75. I refused to blow out my candles due to their poor humor.

[Colonel Shoaff @ColonelShoaff]

@CAMPrincipal Colonel Brown

I recall the Battle of Flat Branch many years ago with your Army of Raiders. I had the perfect battle strategy on parchment but my ravenous hunger overwhelmed and I used it as kindling to cook coyote tail soup. General Stauder was fit to be tied.

[Colonel Shoaff @ColonelShoaff]

@OkawValley Staff Sargeant Inman

It's hotter'n a blister bug in a pepper patch. The humid days would weaken a lesser man but I am unaffected. My workout regimen of cannonball lifts has led to a body strong as an ox. Unfortunately I also smell of one so the virtual workouts are perfect.

[Colonel Shoaff @ColonelShoaff]

My Beloved Cadets

You deserve to graduate with highest honors. I recall my graduation day. My teacher Elizabeth "Ironsides" Hobgood gave me the discipline paddle when I released a possum on stage. In all fairness, I thought it was dead.

Congratulations Class of 2020!

[Colonel Shoaff @ColonelShoaff]

@bubbaf65 Staff Sargeant Inman

I once took down a brigade of rebels using only a basket of Top Flites and my hand carved cherry oak 3-wood. Private Fultz served as my caddy. You have made a wise choice in coaches as he has learned from the best.

@Mhshoaff @OkawValley

[Colonel Shoaff @ColonelShoaff]

@OkawValley Colonel Matthew "Silver Wolf" Shoaff
Pitcher,1B,SS
4 years and 7days ago we set forth to win a State Title. I solemnly declare that would have occurred.

My humble season stats prediction:

Avg .875
HRs 39
18-0 200 Ks
4 "Ol' Shaky's Squirrel Claws" Player of the Month Awards

[Colonel Shoaff @ColonelShoaff]

Dearest Stephenie

I have had many days of slumber at the camp. In my excess time, I have decided to learn the banjo.I have fashioned a pick from badger teeth.I have requested Commander Forlines join me in my new band "Colonel's Secret Recipe."I will pen a song in your honor.

[Colonel Shoaff @ColonelShoaff]

Dearest Stephenie

It has felt like forever since I put pen to paper. Oh the misery of quarantine. The following article made the news this past Sunday. What am I to do? I was not raised an animal. My grey beard grows much like my frustration. I love you. Please send tissues.

[Colonel Shoaff @ColonelShoaff]

@Mhshoaff Dearest Stephenie

The recent fair weather has allowed the boys and I to play some ball. Our newest sports fields have brought out the best in me. Today after a swell hit, I flew to the base faster than Johnny Reb running from my advancing troops. @CAMPrincipal

[Colonel Shoaff @ColonelShoaff]

Citizens

I have fortified the camp to protect it from attack. Our men are prepared and Inman will have them ready. I still call upon all who are able and willing to meet us at the battlefield. Your support will keep our young soldiers resolute. Prepare for greatness!

[Colonel Shoaff @ColonelShoaff]

@Mhshoaff Young scholars

I applaud my cadets with their impressive display of knowledge during a recent pair of skirmishes. I once engaged in a duel of wits with an enemy general. His rank assumed intelligence but he was all hat and no cattle.

[Colonel Shoaff @ColonelShoaff]

Dearest Stephenie

I have watched Staff Sergeant Inman retreat to solitude today. Warriors from Clark County are approaching from the East. Inman's plans are crucial to victory. Send him some of my finest salted squirrel meat to sustain him. We face attack tomorrow evening.

[Colonel Shoaff @ColonelShoaff]

@OkawValley General Stauder

Some of the young soldiers have picked up my tricks and used them to trap animals. Just last week I lured Private Ackers into a raccoon den using molasses-dipped squirrel claws. We had a good hearty laugh after he returned from the infirmary.

[Colonel Shoaff @ColonelShoaff]

@OkawValley Dearest Stephenie

Sergeant Wise has done it again! As reward for battlefield excellence, Wise prepared grilled meats for his soldiers. I was lucky enough to find good favor and receive some as well. We shall dine like royalty tonight!

[Colonel Shoaff @ColonelShoaff]

@ALAHKnights @OkawValley Knights

I'm fit to be tied! As I led my troops to the battlefield, a photo was snapped as I bid adieu to the locals. It was then I found out a hostile telegram was sent by horse and buggy insulting my troops. I've had enough of Vanausdoll's ruffians. Prepare for battle!!!