Colpetty

I came, I saw, I punned - Carefully crafted bad jokes

Also, it's line 87

[Colpetty @Colpetty]

I’m terrible at wrestling

[Colpetty @Colpetty]

@AlexiSargeant

[Colpetty @Colpetty]

Why aren’t there liberals on Tatooine?

Because they prefer their suns non-binary.

[Colpetty @Colpetty]

To put it in context he ran a 16.99 second 100m dash 422x in a row

[Track & Field Gazette @TrackGazette]

THE FIRST MAN IN HISTORY TO BREAK 2 HOURS IN A MARATHON!!!🤯🤯🤯

Sabastian Sawe 🇰🇪 has just shattered the World Record at the London Marathon, running 1:59:30!!!

He makes history as the first man to officially break 2 hours in the marathon.

Yomif Kejelcha 🇪🇹 in his debut ran 1:59:41 to become 2nd fastest alltime, while Jacob Kiplimo 🇺🇬 finished in 2:00:28.

All under the previous World Record.

[Colpetty @Colpetty]

You know those entry level jobs that require 5 years experience…. This is the target market

[⊹ ࣪ pam ˖✦ @pamvonhadder]

Her daughter has a work experience of 3 years now! 💕😭

[Colpetty @Colpetty]

@tony2squares1 @boltsfood

[Colpetty @Colpetty]

I eagerly await 50 Shades of Gandalf the Grey

[Warner Bros. @warnerbros]

We’ve been waiting for you, precious. The Lord of the Rings: The Hunt for Gollum only in theaters 17 December 2027.

[Colpetty @Colpetty]

How does one power rank the Iranian Embassies? Surely SA is number 1

[Colpetty @Colpetty]

@MorbidKnowledge

[Colpetty @Colpetty]

What is the charge? Driving a route? A succulent transit route?

[Morbid Knowledge @MorbidKnowledge]

Man with Asperger’s has been arrested 32 times for impersonating NYC transit workers and hijacking buses and trains, just to drive the routes perfectly.

Darius McCollum is a New Yorker with Asperger’s syndrome who gained international notoriety for his lifelong obsession with the city’s transit system.

Since the age of 15, McCollum has been arrested 32 times for impersonating Metropolitan Transportation Authority (MTA) employees and "hijacking" subway trains and buses.

Remarkably, he never sought to steal the vehicles; instead, he would drive the actual routes, make the correct station announcements, and keep perfectly to the schedule.

His story was the subject of the 2016 documentary "Off the Rails," highlighting the intersection of neurodiversity and the criminal justice system.

[Classical Studies Memes @CSMFHT]

Turns out it was made from inferior copper, supplied by... wait a minute...

[Colpetty @Colpetty]

Legally speaking, giving up alcohol is a Decree Absolut

[Colpetty @Colpetty]

@ManekaJ Yes

[Colpetty @Colpetty]

@Amaliniii @yamulk A-Bloody-Men... raisins are dead grapes sent back by Satan to ruin food

[Colpetty @Colpetty]

Presumably you will pursue this case without a break

[KITKAT @KITKAT]

Regarding recent press coverage

[Colpetty @Colpetty]

@hisugarfoxx Because while one can suspend one’s belief and immerse themselves in a world with Magic, Dragons, Basilisks, Elves and Werewolves, no one will ever believe a world in which Lily picks bland as fuck James over Adam Driver’s Snape

[Colpetty @Colpetty]

Harry to James after learning he hung Snape from a tree and it was Snape’s worst memory

[Acyn @Acyn]

Trump on Iran: They gave us a present today. And it was a very big present worth a tremendous amount of money and I'm not going to tell you what that present is but it was a very significant prize. It said to me that we are dealing with the right people.

[Colpetty @Colpetty]

Mean Reversion

[The Kobeissi Letter @KobeissiLetter]

BREAKING: Volkswagen is in talks with Israel’s Iron Dome maker over a deal that would switch production at one of their factories from cars to missile defense, per FT.

The German government is actively supporting the proposal.

[Colpetty @Colpetty]

@rukmankan Claude vs Gemini

[Colpetty @Colpetty]

Pitch perfect!

[Marianne 🔆 @GreatAbysmal]

Jim Hacker: Humphrey, I'm told there's a situation at Diego Garcia.

Sir Humphrey Appleby: Only geographically, Prime Minister.

Jim Hacker: Geographically?

Sir Humphrey Appleby: Yes. It's still in the Indian Ocean.

Jim Hacker: Humphrey, Iran fired missiles at it!

Sir Humphrey Appleby: Towards it, Prime Minister.

Jim Hacker: Towards it?

Sir Humphrey Appleby: One missile ceased to function and the other was intercepted. So the island remains entirely where it was.

Jim Hacker: I'm not worried about the island moving! I mean the implications.

Sir Humphrey Appleby: Ah. Strategically speaking, the implications are extremely stable.

Jim Hacker: Stable?!

Sir Humphrey Appleby: Yes. Since nothing actually hit us, we can express grave concern without the administrative complications of retaliation.

Jim Hacker: But the base is on British territory!

Sir Humphrey Appleby: Indeed, Prime Minister. Which means we are in the enviable position of being attacked in principle while remaining uninvolved in practice.

Bernard Woolley: It's what the Foreign Office calls a very tidy situation, Prime Minister.

Jim Hacker: Tidy?

Sir Humphrey Appleby: Yes. Untidy situations are the ones where the missiles land.

[Colpetty @Colpetty]

@elaifresh Viet Kong