Colton Lewin

[Colton Lewin @ColtLewin]

@NFTenjoyers @garyvee How do I get one?

[Colton Lewin @ColtLewin]

Wife: Sorry I threw up in the sink.
Me: 🤨
Wife: I scooped the chunks out 😔.

#shitmywifesays #feelbettermeggy

[Colton Lewin @ColtLewin]

Wife: Were you always this weird?
Me: What do you mean?
Wife: I mean... like... as a kid. Were you this weird??

#shitmywifesays #onlyweirdpeoplecallpeopleweird

[Colton Lewin @ColtLewin]

Me: I don’t wanna die alone
Wife: Bye

#shitmywifesays

[Colton Lewin @ColtLewin]

Paper Thin Scab

#newbandname

[Colton Lewin @ColtLewin]

Bootleg Patch Job

#newbandname

[Colton Lewin @ColtLewin]

Crispy Sweet Crunchy Yummies

#newbandname

[Colton Lewin @ColtLewin]

Wife: Honestly, sometimes I wonder if you even love me.
Me: What? Why?
Wife: Because you never even lit me pop your zits.

#shitmywifesays

[Colton Lewin @ColtLewin]

Ankle Deep Bath Water

#newbandname

[Colton Lewin @ColtLewin]

Khakis and a Gas Mask 🥸🪓

#newbandname

[Colton Lewin @ColtLewin]

Me: (says something about Hepatitis)
Wife: Alright Hepatitis Colty

#shitmywifesays

[Colton Lewin @ColtLewin]

(Listening to Billy Joel’s Piano Man)

Me: I should learn how to play the harmonica
Wife: You should, it seems easy!
Me: Yeah, it’s just blowing and sucking
Wife: Then you’ll be good at it

#shitmywifesays 🙄🙄🙄

[Colton Lewin @ColtLewin]

Update - Tickle Lips can’t be a new band name due to Pornography Industry copyright infringement.

#oops

[Colton Lewin @ColtLewin]

Tickle Lips

#newbandname

[Colton Lewin @ColtLewin]

Baja Meth Lab

#newbandname

[Colton Lewin @ColtLewin]

Thank you gift for Senior Chief Miranda Coyne for wing an awesome Chairwoman and helping the @usnavy make some Baby Goats during Chief Petty Officer Initiation FY-21 🐏. ⁣
⁣
Hooyah 😎. ⁣
⁣
#paddle #navy #chief https://t.co/ox3BIldE6F

[Colton Lewin @ColtLewin]

I made this as a joke for sweeping awards for the year... but it came out 🔥🔥🔥.⁣
⁣
#broom #america #sweeptheleg @ Coronado, California https://t.co/GnYkbuOOlI

[Colton Lewin @ColtLewin]

I made this as a joke for sweeping awards for the year... but it came out 🔥🔥🔥.⁣
⁣
#broom #america #sweeptheleg @ Coronado, California https://t.co/tUp7wzLuaK

[Colton Lewin @ColtLewin]

#SkinBagFullofHipShards

#newbandname

[Colton Lewin @ColtLewin]

My wife: We need to pay them back
Me: Who?
My wife: The squirrels

#shitmywifesays #sleeptalk