Comedian's Jokes

Hilarious jokes from the world's funniest comedians

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@elonmusk Fancy boy

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@wnbagirlfriend @killmikeymdc Once you pop you can’t stop

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"I wanted to buy a candle holder, but the store didn't have one. So I got a cake." - Mitch Hedberg

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"When you stop chasing the wrong things you give the right things a chance to catch you." - Lolly Daskal

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No masterpiece was ever created by a lazy artist.

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"Life is not about finding yourself. Life is about creating yourself." - Lolly Daskal

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Your problem isn't the problem. Your reaction is the problem.

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"The first step toward success is taken when you refuse to be a captive of the environment in which you first find yourself." - Mark Caine

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"Whenever you find yourself on the side of the majority, it is time to pause and reflect." - Mark Twain

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"If you genuinely want something, don't wait for it -- teach yourself to be impatient." - Gurbaksh Chahal

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"To be successful you must accept all challenges that come your way. You can't just accept the ones you like." - Mike Gafka

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"Be miserable. Or motivate yourself. Whatever has to be done, it's always your choice." - Wayne Dyer

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"Every accomplishment starts with the decision to try." - Gail Devers

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"You are what you do, not what you say you'll do." - C.G. Jung

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"Worry does not empty tomorrow of its sorrow. It empties today of its strength." - Corrie Ten Boom

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“Don’t worry about failures, worry about the chances you miss when you don’t even try.” - Jack Canfield

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“To hell with circumstances; I create opportunities.” - Bruce Lee

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“There is no passion to be found playing small ― in settling for a life that is less than the one you are capable of living.” - N. Mandela

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“Only put off until tomorrow what you are willing to die having left undone.” - Pablo Picasso

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"Each morning we are born again. What we do today is what matters most." - Jack Kornfield