Funny Post

[Parody Account, Not quagmire]

[Funny Post @ComedyPostDaily]

I met Eminem once, he was pretty awkward, his palms were sweaty, knees weak, arms were heavy, vomit on his sweater already, mom's spaghetti.

[Funny Post @ComedyPostDaily]

I don't always talk to people with swag, but when I do, I ask for large fries.

[Funny Post @ComedyPostDaily]

No matter how bad your day seems, just remember, someone out there has to clean the bathroom at Taco Bell.

[Funny Post @ComedyPostDaily]

Is your name WiFi? Because I'm seeing a connection here...

[Funny Post @ComedyPostDaily]

i believe in hate at first sight

[Funny Post @ComedyPostDaily]

I'm not saying I hate you. I'm just saying if you got hit by a bus, I would be driving that bus.

[Funny Post @ComedyPostDaily]

Twitter: The only place where you get excited when strangers follows you.

[Funny Post @ComedyPostDaily]

do you ever just sit there and realize that you mean nothing to anyone and you start feeling like shit

[Funny Post @ComedyPostDaily]

When I'm alone in my house, every sound is a ghost.

[Funny Post @ComedyPostDaily]

do you ever play a song and then realize you were too distracted to appreciate the beauty of the song so you replay it?

[Funny Post @ComedyPostDaily]

when you introduce two of your friends to each other and then they become best friends and hang out without you

[Funny Post @ComedyPostDaily]

Its funny how if you get an A on a test, your grade goes up like 2 percent but if you get a F your grade goes down like the titanic

[Funny Post @ComedyPostDaily]

to be honest i find it hard to believe that theres someone out there that would be able to spend the rest of their life with me

[Funny Post @ComedyPostDaily]

Putting on headphones and it seems like suddenly everybody wants to talk to you.

[Funny Post @ComedyPostDaily]

I can't even imagine the self control required to work at a bubble wrap factory.

[Funny Post @ComedyPostDaily]

Twitter is basically you just having a conversation with yourself hoping that someone else will join in.

[Funny Post @ComedyPostDaily]

Changing a whole text message just because you don't know how to spell one word.

[Funny Post @ComedyPostDaily]

Any time a bird craps on my car, I eat an entire plate of scrambled eggs on my porch, just to show the birds what I'm capable of.

[Funny Post @ComedyPostDaily]

To Do List:
1) Nothing