Sorry, Sort of

Sort of sorry, aren't we all?

[Sorry, Sort of @ComedyThrives]

I would unfriend you but I enjoy laughing at your life.

[Sorry, Sort of @ComedyThrives]

Girls need to understand that it's okay to be single. You don't need a guy to make you happy. You'll find that special someone eventually.

[Sorry, Sort of @ComedyThrives]

every year I realize how stupid I was the year before

[Sorry, Sort of @ComedyThrives]

That moment when you drop something right in front of you and it completely disappears off the face of the earth.

[Sorry, Sort of @ComedyThrives]

Social networks don't break up relationships. The stuff you post on social networks breaks up relationships.

[Sorry, Sort of @ComedyThrives]

We stay up late every night. Regret it every morning. Then do it again.

[Sorry, Sort of @ComedyThrives]

Don't you hate when you buy a bag of packaged air and there's chips inside it? Pisses me off.

[Sorry, Sort of @ComedyThrives]

95% of my problems would be solved if I stopped over-thinking everything & calmed the f*ck down & stopped being such an anxious little sh*t.

[Sorry, Sort of @ComedyThrives]

Sometimes people try to expose what's wrong with you because they can't handle what's right with you.

[Sorry, Sort of @ComedyThrives]

Admit it, you've raised your hand in class to answer an obvious question so that you don't get called on later.

[Sorry, Sort of @ComedyThrives]

I just feel very ugh about everything.

[Sorry, Sort of @ComedyThrives]

I will never hate on you, unless you disrespect me, or hate on me first. That's just the kind of person I am. I give everyone a chance.

[Sorry, Sort of @ComedyThrives]

my favorite outdoor activity is going back inside

[Sorry, Sort of @ComedyThrives]

My days are backwards. I wake up tired and go to bed wide awake.

[Sorry, Sort of @ComedyThrives]

I have a bad habit of assuming Ive annoyed ppl & it usually ends with me dropping communication & hoping they'll be the ones to continue it

[Sorry, Sort of @ComedyThrives]

While in the shower: 2% Washing. 8% Singing. 90% Winning fake arguments.

[Sorry, Sort of @ComedyThrives]

I wish I had a delete button in my life. To delete some people, some memories, and some feelings.

[Sorry, Sort of @ComedyThrives]

Yes, I know I can't sing. Yes, I'm going to keep singing anyways.

[Sorry, Sort of @ComedyThrives]

When I see a bruised apple at the market, I give it a soft hug and whisper, Who did this to you?

[Sorry, Sort of @ComedyThrives]

Operator:911, please hold. - Me: stop murderering me for a sec we're on hold. - Murderer: k.