Comedy Texts!

I'm not even on drugs, I'm just weird. Follow me for some the funniest tweets on twitter!❤

[Comedy Texts! @ComedyTxtMsgs]

No one is born by accident, God created you for a reason.

[Comedy Texts! @ComedyTxtMsgs]

It's not who you are that holds you back, it's who you think you are not.

[Comedy Texts! @ComedyTxtMsgs]

I want a relationship where we can act like idiots, talk about the most random stuff, share music & never get tired of each other. ❤

[Comedy Texts! @ComedyTxtMsgs]

Goodmorning and Goodnight texts are the best.

[Comedy Texts! @ComedyTxtMsgs]

Can we stop flirting and just date already?

[Comedy Texts! @ComedyTxtMsgs]

wish you wanted me, the way i want you.

[Comedy Texts! @ComedyTxtMsgs]

I don’t hate you. I just hope your next period happens in a shark tank.

[Comedy Texts! @ComedyTxtMsgs]

I love my relationship with MY BED. No commitment needed. We just sleep together EVERY NIGHT.

[Comedy Texts! @ComedyTxtMsgs]

That dirty look you give the sidewalk when you turn around after you trip over it.

[Comedy Texts! @ComedyTxtMsgs]

Boy: You are the funniest and most beautiful girl I've ever met. Girl: You just wanna f*ck me. Boy: Wow and you're smart too.

[Comedy Texts! @ComedyTxtMsgs]

The awkward moment when the person you like asks who you like.

[Comedy Texts! @ComedyTxtMsgs]

That moment when a 10 year old kid says, "When I was a kid..." B*tch, really?

[Comedy Texts! @ComedyTxtMsgs]

No offense but, you know I don't give a shit right?

[Comedy Texts! @ComedyTxtMsgs]

When you realize that person wasn`t waving at you.

[Comedy Texts! @ComedyTxtMsgs]

If I could remember school work like I remember lyrics.. I would be a genius.

[Comedy Texts! @ComedyTxtMsgs]

Laying in bed, remembering a conversation in your head and imagining what you should've said instead.

[Comedy Texts! @ComedyTxtMsgs]

Saying "YOU'RE WELCOME!" really loudly when people don't say thank you.

[Comedy Texts! @ComedyTxtMsgs]

Do not touch MY iPhone. It's not an usPhone, it's not a wePhone, it's not an ourPhone, it's an iPhone

[Comedy Texts! @ComedyTxtMsgs]

Sorry I offended you when I called you a slut. I had no idea you thought it was a secret.

[Comedy Texts! @ComedyTxtMsgs]

English = Hello. Spanish = Hola. French = Bonjour. Japanese = Konnichiwa. Chinese = Nî Hâo. Italian = Ciao. Me = Sup Bitch.