Commander Pickles

Captain at GMSV2 GMS Supersaw

[Commander Pickles @CommanderPickl1]

OMG I'm retarded! You muffukkers never told me!
...assholes. 😑🖕

[Commander Pickles @CommanderPickl1]

"Why buy expensive fireworks when you can make your own out of ordinary household chemicals". I said.
And everyone in the ER agreed..

[Commander Pickles @CommanderPickl1]

After trying Golden corral, European soccer fans find it to be an out of body experience.
Out of body experience is code for shitting your pants

[Commander Pickles @CommanderPickl1]

Ur momma so ugly, the neighbors break into her house just to close the curtains

[Commander Pickles @CommanderPickl1]

Take a child to the doctor for a problem and they diagnose and discuss all the treatment options/medications avaliable. Nothing wrong with that but when I had to go to the doctor it was "Hold him down!"

[Commander Pickles @CommanderPickl1]

Don't drive a big black car. Don't like no Hollywood movie star

-Dirty white boy

[Commander Pickles @CommanderPickl1]

Please be considerate this black Friday and turn ur phones sideways when recording a fight

[Commander Pickles @CommanderPickl1]

Look, if ur gonna call the cops everytime you see me hiding in your bushes well maybe then this relationship ain't gonna work out

[Commander Pickles @CommanderPickl1]

DOCTOR: I'm sorry ur father slipped into a coma. Nothing more we can do.
ME: Let me try.
*Walks over and adjust thermostat *
*DAD OPENS ONE EYE*

[Commander Pickles @CommanderPickl1]

So I went to this all you can eat Chinese buffet and the owner got pissed. He was really rude tho cause he would come out every hour...

[Commander Pickles @CommanderPickl1]

*Being woke by burglar*
"You live like this?"

[Commander Pickles @CommanderPickl1]

Day one of the government shutdown:
We're in a national park looking for food. They're torn mattress tags everywhere! It's total anarchy!

[Commander Pickles @CommanderPickl1]

Just watched my daughters new boyfriend spend 10 minutes trying to put a straw in a Capri sun. I think it's safe to leave her alone with him

[Commander Pickles @CommanderPickl1]

So sad my grandmother died because we couldn't remember her blood type. But the strong woman she was she just kept telling us to be positive 💔

[Commander Pickles @CommanderPickl1]

@elonmusk Hey..ya think u could help me with my mortgage? I make so.e really dank memes for repayment 😬🙋

[Commander Pickles @CommanderPickl1]

And Iran thinks they can take us?

[Commander Pickles @CommanderPickl1]

Maybe the grass is greener on the other side cause ur not over there fucking it up!

[Commander Pickles @CommanderPickl1]

Does anyone know if Jesus saw his shadow when he came out of his tomb? I don't think I could handle another 6 weeks of lent

[Commander Pickles @CommanderPickl1]

Not to brag, but the cute cashiers at my supermarket are always checking me out😏