> be Adobe, 40-year-old PDF jockey
> 2025, stock doing a perfect -33% swan dive
> “We’ll pivot to AI” says exec on 7-figure retention bonus
> can’t ship a model because legal says every pixel needs a 12-page EULA
> Midjourney drops v7, makes our Firefly look like MS Paint with a hangover
> OpenAI drops GPT-Image, Google drops nano-banana, both free
> our response: “Please login with your Adobe ID, install Creative Cloud, update 47 GB, restart, then pay $53.99/month”
> users collectively Alt-F4 into orbit
> watch in horror as ChatGPT/Gemini reads any PDF you give it for free
> enterprise cancels 10k seats overnight
> try to counter with Sora killer video model
> training cluster catches fire after someone uploads a 1998 clipart library
> PR tweet: “We are re-imagining creativity”
> quote-tweet ratio hits 1:9k, gif of dumpster bonfire tops replies
> premiere pro is now just a bloated launcher for 15 different subscription prompts
> 20-something with a phone and CapCut is making better edits
> our flagship feature: “Generative fill but now 3% slower”
> board meeting: “Let’s raise prices again”
> stock drops another 8% during the Zoom call
> our most innovative feature in 5 years is a "subscribe to annual plan" button that clicks itself
what was done to Charlie Kirk has been done to countless Palestinian babies, children, girls, boys, women and men not just over the past two years of the ongoing genocide, but decades. And whenever it happened, and it's on camera and we all saw it, Charlie Kirk came out to say: I love this, I want more of this. The people who did this are great and I love them and they should keep doing it forever.
As Malcolm said, the chickens have come home to roost.