U.S. Congress (Official Real)

important news updates from capitol hill, very real and not made up

[U.S. Congress (Official Real) @Congress4Real]

this is the new social media team for congress, we have lots of exciting updates about bills and resolutions to share

[U.S. Congress (Official Real) @Congress4Real]

senator ted cruz introduces resolution to authorize use of military force against mexico, prompted by his “ruined holiday”

[U.S. Congress (Official Real) @Congress4Real]

BREAKING: house democrats accidentally include “$15 maximum wage” in COVID relief package

[U.S. Congress (Official Real) @Congress4Real]

Breaking: Juan Guaido has declared himself interim President in light of Congress not fully certifying electors.

[U.S. Congress (Official Real) @Congress4Real]

oops! We forgot to lock the doors!!! 😅😅😅

[U.S. Congress (Official Real) @Congress4Real]

live coverage of electoral college certification: mike pence just asked nancy pelosi to the prom! that was so cute omg

[U.S. Congress (Official Real) @Congress4Real]

say it with us: Senate Minotaur Leader Mitch McConnell

[U.S. Congress (Official Real) @Congress4Real]

senate Majority leader chuck schumer announces that $2000 stimulus checks will not be happening on account of his newly expanded cheesecake budget

[U.S. Congress (Official Real) @Congress4Real]

what if... we gave you $2000 on Christmas....? Aha ha just kidding...unless... uWu

[U.S. Congress (Official Real) @Congress4Real]

hey, so sorry about this hilarious debate about the stimulus checks - truth is, we never intended to give you any money :)

seasons greetings!

[U.S. Congress (Official Real) @Congress4Real]

congress has finally reached a covid-19 stimulus deal! we are going to be hiding a box with $1 trillion in gold coins somewhere in the alaskan wilderness - finders keepers!*

*80% of the funds will be automatically distributed to exxon mobile

[U.S. Congress (Official Real) @Congress4Real]

Alvin and the Chipmunks were confirmed to the 3rd Circuit Court today

[U.S. Congress (Official Real) @Congress4Real]

lol we found some nuclear launch codes just on the House floor, hmu if you want some

[U.S. Congress (Official Real) @Congress4Real]

The senate has passed the No Voting Act, making it illegal for Americans to vote. in a statement, senator lindsey graham said “no, you don’t understand, this is a good thing”

[U.S. Congress (Official Real) @Congress4Real]

when asked for comment, the pony express director general said “neither rain nor sleet nor political malfeasance shall halt the shipment of fine parcels across the plains”

[U.S. Congress (Official Real) @Congress4Real]

in light of concerns over USPS operations, we have passed emergency legislation officially bringing back the PONY EXPRESS. the horse in the picture is in charge of day to day operations.

[U.S. Congress (Official Real) @Congress4Real]

congress may have adjourned but we’re still here! on a related note can someone please let us out of the chamber?

[U.S. Congress (Official Real) @Congress4Real]

choose two:
- social life
- enough sleep
- u.s. post office

[U.S. Congress (Official Real) @Congress4Real]

joe biden’s vp search has narrowed down to the final two candidates:
hunter biden
mike pence

[U.S. Congress (Official Real) @Congress4Real]

we just passed a groundbreaking bill to make quaker oats the official national food of the united states.

also the bill provides $200 million worth of javelin missles to egypt but that’s besides the point.

[U.S. Congress (Official Real) @Congress4Real]

the new coronavirus relief package is just a box of raisins, but we all have to share it