Connie

It's Connie in HR, how can I help you?

[Connie @ConnieInHR]

Severance packages based on this equation. (Distance you can throw The Thank You Economy) - (years of service) with a Jäger shot multiplier.

[Connie @ConnieInHR]

Reminder: tomorrow is pants-optional. 9:45 AM wine happy hour on the veranda...er kitchenette. Severance pay details forthcoming.

[Connie @ConnieInHR]

"Irreplaceable" might feel like job security, but if you can't be replaced, you can't be promoted. Who's carryin'?

[Connie @ConnieInHR]

Next month we’re all jumping in the freezing Scioto River, and IT’S A MANDATORY TEAM EXERCISE. Stop crying. Bring a baked good.

[Connie @ConnieInHR]

Next Friday is Hawaiian shirt day fuckers. Now you're in my world...
MUUHAHAHAhaha!

[Connie @ConnieInHR]

Remember people, the tour bus rule is still in effect.

[Connie @ConnieInHR]

It sounds like a Jean-Pierre Jeunet film up in here this morning. I bet Audrey Tautou would be a horrible Project Manager.

[Connie @ConnieInHR]

Badmotorfinger Mode ☑

[Connie @ConnieInHR]

ATTN: Shift employees. Anyone caught playing Dave Mathews Band, then leaving the room is now subject to docked wages & a good lashing.

[Connie @ConnieInHR]

HR is not responsible for cleaning up the mess left behind by you disobeying the No. 2 rule. I mean seriously, come on...

[Connie @ConnieInHR]

Sec. 32c of the employee handbook clearly states: "Under no circumstance should live Hootie & The Blowfish be played over office speakers."

[Connie @ConnieInHR]

I can't believe the Browns didn't win the super bowl. Lame.

[Connie @ConnieInHR]

The next employee that fails to replace the empty toilet paper roll will be docked one week's pay and will have their mousing hand caned.

[Connie @ConnieInHR]

"Sweet cheeks," on the other hand, is perfectly acceptable.

[Connie @ConnieInHR]

Yes, calling someone "Sweet ass" is considered harassment.

[Connie @ConnieInHR]

Who drank all the fucking coffee again? Fuckers.

[Connie @ConnieInHR]

Insubordination will not be tolerated. That project document isn't going to write itself.

[Connie @ConnieInHR]

Isn't today a national holiday???

[Connie @ConnieInHR]

I'm tired of Sean's shenanigans.

[Connie @ConnieInHR]

some people don't respect the space-time continuum #hostileworkenvironment