Conrad Wroth

[Conrad Wroth @Conrad_Wroth]

I just saw a flatscreen TV in the trash. We're in the future.

[Conrad Wroth @Conrad_Wroth]

@davidsenra Sloptimism: Sounds good, but it will get you nowhere

[Conrad Wroth @Conrad_Wroth]

Why are wine experts so obsessed with operating daycare centers?

[Conrad Wroth @Conrad_Wroth]

@ScottiePippen Scottie doesn’t know.

[Conrad Wroth @Conrad_Wroth]

@Hitchslap1 Use your IQ

[Conrad Wroth @Conrad_Wroth]

@DeFiDaryus Simply add extra zeros onto the screen. This is how ✌️money✌️is made.

[Conrad Wroth @Conrad_Wroth]

Everyone above 125th St in Manhattan wears a Yankees hat. It’s a Dominican yamaka.

[Conrad Wroth @Conrad_Wroth]

@SpadeSkillz @ThatGuyBets Giants YesRSI 💰

[Conrad Wroth @Conrad_Wroth]

@ThatGuyBets This is the only checkmark that matters ✅

[Conrad Wroth @Conrad_Wroth]

Why doesn’t the DMV have a bar?

[Conrad Wroth @Conrad_Wroth]

I'll be on the Bennington Show today at 1 PM talking stand-up, movies, etc. [SiriusXM 99]

[Conrad Wroth @Conrad_Wroth]

I graduated from a conservative arts college.

[Conrad Wroth @Conrad_Wroth]

I don't punch the heavy bag at the gym anymore. Now I hug it and repeat "I forgive you"

[Dave Temple @ImDaveTemple]

Homeless and argyle don’t mix

[Conrad Wroth @Conrad_Wroth]

Distance makes the heart grow fonder. The further people are away from me the more I like them.

[Conrad Wroth @Conrad_Wroth]

I just ate gluten-free frozen yogurt. It tasted like weakness.

[Conrad Wroth @Conrad_Wroth]

The worst decisions make the best stories.

[Conrad Wroth @Conrad_Wroth]

If you love to hate Coldplay, look into your soul and tell me you don't also resent a piece of who you have become