Topical Pun

All thoughts and opinions expressed on this account are those of my employer and may be used in a court of law.

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@mischiefanimals He tried to kill himself.

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@Rufus87078959 There is none. The rich only prioritize getting richer.

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@WriteThomasGill @mitchellvii What does this even mean? There are 92 million Muslim people in Iran - how exactly do we “sweep them out”, unless you’re suggesting mass genocide of an entire population.

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@KathMLee1 @hasanthehun Canada doesn’t have Republicans and Democrats, moron.

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@JeffVeillette Worth nothing that at this exact point in their careers, Ovechkin proceeded to lead the league 5 of the next 6 years in his age 29-34 seasons. Not sure I’d bet on Matthews following the same aging curve.

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@levon_whiteguy Hotel finally kicked them out after 2 years of not paying their bills and dead from COVID within 24 hours.

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@BrosephSZN @MostCrucified

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@GirardHolistic @ByYourLogic @neroiscaiot Not that unrealistic. They were making 750k-1 mil per episode the last 4 seasons of the show at 24 episodes per season. Between that and endorsements if he invested wisely he could’ve easily cleared $100 mil by the time the show ended.

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@mightygrippers @travisyost Not even close? I’d say it’s pretty close. It’s Crosby or Ovechkin, which comes down to personal taste in my opinion.

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@ZeroSuitCamus Yeah, I think he was just hoping no one would check the math on that. Based on when he made the claim it would mean he on average slept with 1.5 new women every single day of his post-pubescent life.

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@mitchellvii @elonmusk He tweets on average almost 70 times per day. He’s not nearly as busy as he pretends to be.

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Hoping someone can help out a Canadian who feels left out - do any Dems out there have a dead grandparent whose vote I can have?

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@MostCrucified I really want to support the league but I went to my first WNBA game earlier this year and… woof. I’m sure they’re not all that bad but ‘crunch time’ was like 20 cringe-inducing missed shots/turnovers in a row. Felt like trying to cheer on your kid who sucks at sports.

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@SamHallDamnEyes @Srirachachau I assume it’s the same gas he uses to kill everyone at the parade later on.

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@mitchellvii Please tell me you know this is AI, right?

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@levon_whiteguy Only listens to whatever is currently # 1 on the Billboard chart.

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@87crosbycareer @AdjustedHockey @DailyFaceoff Agreed. Would love to see him hit 2000 points.

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@AdjustedHockey @87crosbycareer @DailyFaceoff Totally agree with your assessment. I think he’s 4-5 depending on where you rank Howe or Jagr.

My point was that if fully healthy I don’t think there would be any debate he’s only behind Gretzky, Mario and Orr.

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@levon_whiteguy This has always been my theory too. I think having to go to the damncestor in a mad scramble each week to be bailed out would be too stressful for both parties. Falco likely gets a ‘just leave me alone’ allowance and all the begging is for additional spending money.