Cortney Complains

{Comedienne} Good Eyebrows//Mediocre Coping Mechanisms// cohost of Crying at The Bar, a comedy podcast @BarCrying

[Cortney Complains @CortneyWhy]

taking a break from violently sobbing to admire a curl that’s fallen haphazardly into my face

[Cortney Complains @CortneyWhy]

I'm gonna try to delete this app but before I go I just wanna say, I'll miss you @amys_tweeter....text me

[cinesthetic. @TheCinesthetic]

robert pattinson‘s reddit AMA

[Cortney Complains @CortneyWhy]

@kisvwicked The only Aries allowed in my space is queen Gaga herself I swear to god

[Cortney Complains @CortneyWhy]

Men are incurably stupid I'm sorry

[rayne fisher-quann @raynefq]

1 time i had a good week & said to my boyfriend i was worried my friends might think im “not really mentally ill” and he said oh honey i promise Nobody thinks that

[Cortney Complains @CortneyWhy]

...then, like understand why people perceive liberals as "costal elites"

You are not in touch with the average American. I'm sorry but if you can't enjoy an episode of Home Improvement, I don't think you empathize with the working class.

In this essay I will

[Cortney Complains @CortneyWhy]

Me and my bf recently started watching Home Improvement on Netflix. It's a major comfort show for me, and I used to watch it with my dad. (For context, my parents are very right leaning)

[Cortney Complains @CortneyWhy]

It's not a particularly right wing show. In fact, if it aired today, I'm pretty sure MAGA would call it "woke"

I say all this because, I truly believe, if my friends refuse to watch one of the most popular shows of the 90s

[Lily, the neighborhood pest… @bonesauce94]

Urgent care got a picture of House framed and hung where a medical degree might be 🙂❤️

[Cortney Complains @CortneyWhy]

@TheBloggess Wait I think I can go to this!!!

[Chris Malchow @_thecolorfulkid]

Photos I’ve taken inspired by Edward Hopper

[Cortney Complains @CortneyWhy]

@wife_geist This makes sense because when my mother explained sex to me it seemed very clinical, so I pictured it happening like somewhere well lit...the kitchen or maybe the bathroom. Idk seemed like a procedure to impregnate someone

[Cortney Complains @CortneyWhy]

Saw @sp00kypussy on Valentine's Day and I'm pleased to report that she's still very hot

[erika @yeeeerika]

today is her day

[michael @FilledwithUrine]

being sad without a substance abuse problem is boring as hell i’m just sitting here i might as well find an activity to worry my friends with

[Cortney Complains @CortneyWhy]

Anyways are you guys free on Valentine's Day cause I'm having A Show

[Cortney Complains @CortneyWhy]

@gimmiemmy @kingofthelocals It always gave me major Entertainment 720 vibes