Thinking about the homeless man in Austin who I used to pay $15 to watch my car while I went out and one night I came back and all the cars around mine were broken into except mine and he was sitting on my hood and said “I ain’t let em touch this one miss Kenzie!!!”
I set out a suitcase to pack for my flight later today and spotted my 3 year old crawling inside it to hide. I casually zipped it up, yelled "I'M OFF TO THE AIRPORT, EVERYBODY!", and carried it to the car. I've circled the block twice and my luggage hasn't stopped laughing.